What distinguishes young people from their parents' or grandparents' generation is a lack of physical exercise. Today's generation are spending far too long playing computer games, chatting aimlessly on social networking sites or simply watching TV, and too little time being active. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the digital age, Some individuals
have been
Verb problem
apply
believed
that the current generations Wrong verb form
believe
spent
their leisure time far too long playing games, communicating with their comrades on social platforms, Wrong verb form
spend
binge-watching
TV shows Correct word choice
and binge-watching
instead
of doing outdoor activities, especially physical exercises, leading to distinguishing youngsters from their parents and elderly people. Personally, I disagree with this
statement as there are many effective indoor activities.
Firstly
, nowadays, children not only spend their time on useless activities but also
on studying purposes due to
the pandemic, which did not allow youngsters to gain an acknowledgement of academics at the institute. Consequently
, Studying online is the main crucial purpose of using the computer in the current era. Moreover
, some adolescents utilised
far more computers in order to gain extra knowledge, which Wrong verb form
utilise
is
unable to study at Correct subject-verb agreement
are
the
school Correct article usage
apply
such
as learning other languages and content editing. For example
, youngsters who want to be YouTubers tend to spend most of their free hours learning approaches online.
Secondly
, Nowadays, games are far more developed in various ways in order to improve children's habits and physical health by installing and connecting special equipment with the game consoles. For instance
, the Fit Ring, which is brand new exercise equipment, allows offspring to do a wide range of healthy exercises inside their accommodation without concerning
about dangers from germs and transportation. Replace the word
concern
Additionally
, They have to work out intensively to pass the higher levels and success
in that game. Replace the word
succeed
Furthermore
, Parents can join in these games to interact with their offspring and built
up family bonds.
In conclusion, Wrong verb form
build
While
spending time on social networks, which
leads to lessening their physical health, there are some playful innovations that gather parents and individuals at a young age and work out together simultaneously.Correct pronoun usage
apply
Submitted by weipanalog on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good job on addressing the prompt and providing relevant arguments. Make sure to strengthen the introduction and conclusion to enhance the overall coherence. Use transition words to improve the flow between ideas.
Task Achievement
You have covered the main points effectively and provided examples to support your arguments. Ensure that all examples directly relate to the main points and are developed sufficiently.