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Band 4.5

nowadays the way people interact with each other has changed because of technology

#people #technology
There have been ongoing concerns regarding the fact that technological advancement has become an obvious contributor to changes
/
transformation in terms of how individuals interact with each other.
This
 essay will explain the effects of
technology
 on
people
’s several relationships and I hold the point of view that
this
 major change results in harmful progress.
To begin
 with, there are various impacts that technological devices have influenced on relationship forms of
/
social connection of
people
 in the society.
Firstly
,
this
 is
possibly
Replace the adverb
possible
show examples
 because
people
 might become less close to
/
intimate with each other as they overlook other
people
 around them and pay
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
much attention
on
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 their mobile phones, computers, iPad and other electronic tools. Take one of my friends;
for example
, B tends to have less conservation with other companies during a social gathering where
people
 should interact with
people
 in front of them
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since she would rather chat on her phone or enjoy some entertainment on it.
Secondly
, /
Moreover
, another affected factor is that
there
Change the word
it
show examples
 is likely to cause misinterpretation among
people
 because online communication appears to show less facial expression. Without
this
 kind of expression,
people
 may not know another person’s emotions behind physical online texts as what
people
 say do not always reflect their real intention. Personally, I believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
innovative
technology
 is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
detrimental progress to
people
’s communication as it leads to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lack of real-life interaction. To
further
 clarify, some
people
 might think it is easier to have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
conservation by typing messages and sending them online
instead
 of having a face-to-face conservation which requires time and travel. As a consequence,
people
’s bonds become apart and
people
 are inclined to meet other
people
 less in the real-life world where
people
 should interact
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each other in person.
Therefore
, it is evident that
technology
 brings about a negative development in terms of
people
’s
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
 it is undeniable that
technology
 has changed how citizens communicate
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each other in today’s world. I am of the opinion that
this
 can result in a disadvantageous impact, especially
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the relationship
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
 them
Submitted by aunaunyas on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • online marketplaces
  • mobile payment options
  • personalized advertising
  • accessibility
  • compare prices
  • decision fatigue
  • impulse buying
  • financial imprudence
  • privacy and data security
  • transformed
  • streamlined
  • user-friendly
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