IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

nowadays the way people interact with each other has changed because of technology

There have been ongoing concerns regarding the fact that technological advancement has become an obvious contributor to changes
/
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transformation in terms of how individuals interact with each other.
This
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 essay will explain the effects of
technology
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 on
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people
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’s several relationships and I hold the point of view that
this
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 major change results in harmful progress.
To begin
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 with, there are various impacts that technological devices have influenced on relationship forms of
/
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social connection of
people
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 in the society.
Firstly
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,
this
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 is
possibly
Replace the adverb
possible
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 because
people
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 might become less close to
/
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intimate with each other as they overlook other
people
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 around them and pay
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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much attention
on
Change the preposition
to
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 their mobile phones, computers, iPad and other electronic tools. Take one of my friends;
for example
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, B tends to have less conservation with other companies during a social gathering where
people
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 should interact with
people
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 in front of them
,
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apply
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 since she would rather chat on her phone or enjoy some entertainment on it.
Secondly
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, /
Moreover
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, another affected factor is that
there
Change the word
it
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 is likely to cause misinterpretation among
people
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 because online communication appears to show less facial expression. Without
this
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 kind of expression,
people
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 may not know another person’s emotions behind physical online texts as what
people
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 say do not always reflect their real intention. Personally, I believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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innovative
technology
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 is
a
Remove the article
apply
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detrimental progress to
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people
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’s communication as it leads to
the
Correct article usage
a
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 lack of real-life interaction. To
further
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 clarify, some
people
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 might think it is easier to have
a
Remove the article
apply
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conservation by typing messages and sending them online
instead
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 of having a face-to-face conservation which requires time and travel. As a consequence,
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people
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’s bonds become apart and
people
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 are inclined to meet other
people
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 less in the real-life world where
people
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 should interact
to
Change preposition
with
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 each other in person.
Therefore
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, it is evident that
technology
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 brings about a negative development in terms of
Use synonyms
people
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’s
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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. In conclusion,
although
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 it is undeniable that
technology
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 has changed how citizens communicate
to
Change preposition
with
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 each other in today’s world. I am of the opinion that
this
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 can result in a disadvantageous impact, especially
to
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on
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 the relationship
of
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between
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 them

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • online marketplaces
  • mobile payment options
  • personalized advertising
  • accessibility
  • compare prices
  • decision fatigue
  • impulse buying
  • financial imprudence
  • privacy and data security
  • transformed
  • streamlined
  • user-friendly
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