Large companies use sport events to promote their products. Some people think this has a negative impact on sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, we are normally bombarded by advertisements. Most of the companies use break time during
sports
events to advertise their products. While
some people argue that it’s common to promote their products through various sporting events, some people feel that it will lead to the de-emphasis of the sports
itself.
The number of people watching sports
is increasing over recent years. Mostly, sports
televised games
are free cost for viewers. This
is only possible when the
large corporations buy the break period for advertisement so organizers of the events can run the shows without any obstacles. Funds accumulated not only support the broadcast to be free but Correct article usage
apply
also
enable the owner’s place to maintain and improve their facilities. For example
, basically, football games
in Thailand are free entry
but its riches Wrong verb form
to enter
with
advertisements. For these reasons, advertising in Change preposition
in
sports
games
is a primary catalyst for improving the quality of sports
games
.
On the other hand
, others argue that the effect aggregate is that audiences feel games
are only the platform for adverts and individual players and organizers become a
Correct article usage
apply
millionaire
from those revenues. Fix the agreement mistake
millionaires
For example
, there are many athletes who turn out to be rich because they are the man
of the community and are favoured by citizens. Large corporations prefer to invest their advertisement expense Fix the agreement mistake
men
on
TV programs where those popular players Change preposition
in
participated
Wrong verb form
participate
with
. In my opinion, there are Change preposition
apply
also
negatives in advertising on sports
shows.
To conclude
, we cannot deny the adverts because we live in an economic society which is driven by advertising. Advertising is significant but the feeling of audiences through games
is more important. There should have
Verb problem
be
sports
shows that also
consider the viewers’ feelings.Submitted by krittima.tu on
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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but it could be more precise by explicitly stating your stance on the subject. Make sure to clearly indicate whether you agree or disagree with the statement provided.
coherence cohesion
Although you presented logical arguments, some points could be more strongly connected. Work on making your paragraphs flow more smoothly by using linking words and phrases to maintain coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to back up your points. For instance, giving an example of a particular incident or athlete would make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and appropriate structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You've addressed both sides of the issue, which demonstrates a balanced approach to task response.
task achievement
Your vocabulary and grammar are generally good, making your essay easy to read and understand.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?