IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people like to eat unhealthy food even though they know it's bad for them. Why? What are the most effective ways to improve people's eating habits?

#people #food #habits
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Although
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 realize that takeaway is not a healthy option for meals, they still choose to eat junk
food
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of
Use synonyms
home cooked
Add a hyphen
home-cooked
show examples
 meals. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will consider the reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 always
ignoring
Wrong verb form
ignore
show examples
 the importance of
vegetables
Use synonyms
 and find out the beneficial ways to solve the problems. On the one hand, parents tend to focus on their duties
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 work rather than cook for their children at
home
Use synonyms
 nowadays. It is more convenient for Mom and Dad to pick up fast
food
Use synonyms
 on their way
home
Use synonyms
 and children tend to choose
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
food
Use synonyms
 in a habit.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, lack of the skills of cooking could be another reason. In our
school
Add a comma
,school
show examples
 we didn’t have
well organized
Add a hyphen
well-organized
show examples
 cooking lessons so that many
people
Use synonyms
 give up cooking by themselves even worse some could not distinguish the sort of
vegetables
Use synonyms
 and fruits which they want for the recipe.
However
Linking Words
, I will figure out two ways to improve
people
Use synonyms
’s eating
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, schools should establish
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
cooking courses for every
children
Change to a singular noun
child
show examples
. It is quite important for kids to learn how to eat more balanced and find out the healthy ingredients from the package of
food
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
supermarket
Add an article
the supermarket
a supermarket
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, students in senior should be taught to follow the recipe and cook with fresh
vegetables
Use synonyms
 by themselves at
home
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 could raise the price of junk
food
Use synonyms
 and beverage in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
restaurant.
People
Use synonyms
 have already been in a habit of grabbing hamburgers and cola on their to work or study because it is easier to get and cheaper than the restaurant. In conclusion, picking up takeaway on the way
home
Use synonyms
 from work seems to be a good idea but everyone should be taught to cook
homemade
Add an article
a homemade
show examples
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
 with fresh
vegetables
Use synonyms
. It is a better choice for
people
Use synonyms
 to stay healthy and
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
weight.
Submitted by wanda320 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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