IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that celebrating personal events is a waste of money. Others feel that these celebrations play an important role in the lives of individuals and in society as a whole. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #events #waste #money #celebrations #role #lives #individuals #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many people think that holding personal celebrations is unnecessary and a waste of
money
Use synonyms
. While others and I disagree with the idea and think that these
events
Use synonyms
 play a crucial role in our lives and in the community as a whole. both of these viewpoints will be discussed in detail before the conclusion is reached. On the one hand, one of the major reasons that some individuals believe that celebrating personal
events
Use synonyms
 is a waste of
money
Use synonyms
 is that they need to reserve their
money
Use synonyms
 for unexpected circumstances.
In other words
Linking Words
, some adults who get low salaries have to save their
money
Use synonyms
 for unfavourable situations that may take place
such
Linking Words
 as car accidents that may cause them cannot to go to work.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they need to keep their
money
Use synonyms
 for their retired lives.
For example
Linking Words
, some people do not have offspring.
As a result
Linking Words
, they have to save
money
Use synonyms
 for spending when they reach old age.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the obvious reason that celebrations play a vital role in human life is that these
events
Use synonyms
 can make individuals realise about self-esteem. To illustrate, if parents hold a birthday party for their children, Their children will be over the moon because they realise that they are really significant. On top of that, these celebrations will bring folk together. To illustrate, a wedding event is a meaningful celebration because it can bring people who have not met each other for a long time to gather again. To summarize,
although
Linking Words
 there are tremendous reasons why folk say that celebrating personal
events
Use synonyms
 are a waste of
money
Use synonyms
, I personally agree that these
events
Use synonyms
 are significant for humans.
Submitted by yanaphon.t on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • lavish parties
  • essential expenditures
  • financial stress
  • lasting memories
  • social bonds
  • emotional support
  • familial and social ties
  • mental health
  • community cohesion
  • cultural heritage
  • sense of identity
  • traditional practices
  • sense of belonging
  • continuity
  • unique cultural aspects
  • personal well-being
  • routine
  • life satisfaction
  • reasonable budget
  • cost-effective
  • potluck parties
What to do next:
Look at other essays: