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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents choosing to self-educate their children at home rather than sending them to school. Do the advantages of home education outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #parents #self-educate #children #home #school #education
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It is true that at present, more and more families choose to educate their
children
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 at
home
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 rather than send them to school.
Although
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this
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 can bring about some positive impacts, it can
also
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 be detrimental to a certain extent. On the one hand, there can be several benefits of self-educating at
home
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. One possible advantage is that a safe learning environment is guaranteed. The young are easily affected by a negative environment.
This
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 leads to many
parents
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 who prefer a safe and controlled
home
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 environment when their
children
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 are young. Because of that, many
parents
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 choose to teach their
children
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 at
home
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 to prevent their
children
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 from the potential social challenges or negative influences that can sometimes occur in traditional schools Another beneficial effect could be a customized curriculum. Homeschooling allows
parents
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 to tailor curriculum and teaching methods to their
children
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’s individual needs and learning styles.
This
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 can improve the
children
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’s personality to help the
children
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 grow up better.
Nevertheless
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, self-teaching
children
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 at
home
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 can have major downsides which overshadow these positive impacts. One issue could be a teaching burden on
parents
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. When
parents
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 teach their
children
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 at
home
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, they must be responsible for planning lessons, teaching multiple subjects, and ensuring a well-rounded education can be a significant burden on
parents
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, especially if they are working outside the
home
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.
This
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 can lead to a risk of gaps in the knowledge or skills of homeschooled students in certain areas. Another drawback worth mentioning is that
children
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 who are taught at
home
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 can not interact with society. The reason for
this
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 is that
the
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apply
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homeschooled
children
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 miss out on important social interactions like interactions with peers. Homeschooled students can encounter ethical problems with society
such
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 as autism and hyperactivity.
This
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 can be exemplified by the fact that many
children
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 taught by their
parents
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 at
home
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 have more risks of having mental illnesses. In conclusion, despite the potential benefits of teaching
children
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 at
home
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, the drawbacks involved are of greater importance.
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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, and the main points are logically structured. However, try to ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea for better clarity.
task achievement
While you have addressed both advantages and disadvantages, some of your ideas could be elaborated further. Be sure to fully develop your arguments and provide more detailed examples when possible.
general language
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasing throughout the essay. Reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing more can help to improve this aspect.
task achievement
Your essay includes a clear and well-structured conclusion that effectively sums up your main points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction does a good job of presenting the topic and setting the stage for your arguments.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples and reasons to support your main points, which enhances the persuasiveness of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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