IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Write a letter to your manager to request setting up a cafeteria for the staff. In your letter, you should tell: what you heard about the inconvenience from the staff how you feel about it what suggestions you have

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Dear Ms. Ashwini, I am writing
this
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 letter, in regards to not having a cafeteria in our
office
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. Everyone is facing issues regarding
this
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. Let me explain in detail, what everybody is facing. It is a great inconvenience for everyone to step outside the
office
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 just to eat and drink and it is
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 waste of our
time
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 and disruption of work. Some employees even miss their lunch to step outside of the
office
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. We all are feeling dissatisfied about
this
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. If we will have a cafeteria in our
office
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, It will solve all the problems. We do not have to waste our
time
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 walking and if we had a sitting arrangement for eating in the
office
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, we would be able to spend more
time
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 on our tasks given and that would result in a benefit for the company itself. I personally believe that we should have a place in our
office
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 where we all can sit and eat or drink comfortably. When there are more tasks on our head we have to go for a coffee to refresh ourselves. Please take some
time
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 to look into
this
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 matter. I hope to hear a positive response from you. Yours Sincerely, Kulbeer Kaur

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Task Achievement
To enhance your task achievement, make sure to elaborate on specific suggestions for the cafeteria, such as the types of food, payment methods, or any special facilities you envision. This would demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the task and add depth to your proposal.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, consider linking your ideas more explicitly through transitional phrases and a clearer sequence of arguments. This structuring will make your letter flow better and seem more persuasive.
General
Maintain the formal tone throughout your letter. Small slips into a more casual tone are noticeable, so keeping a consistently formal tone will enhance the professionalism of your request.
Greeting and Closing
Your letter opens and closes appropriately, demonstrating respect and professionalism.
Logical Structure
Your use of paragraphs to separate ideas is effective, helping to structure your argument logically and making your letter easier to follow.
Task Achievement
You've effectively conveyed the need for a cafeteria by citing specific adverse effects on staff efficiency and satisfaction, showing good task understanding and response.

Structure your letter

A letter needs to be written using a proper format, including the following:

  • A greeting (Dear sir/madam, Dear John, Dear Mr. Smith)
  • The main body (consisting of paragraphs for each part of the letter)
  • A closing (Yours sincerely, Yours faithfully, Best wishes, Kind regards, Love)

When writing a letter as part of the IELTS General Training Writing Task 1, it is important to include the bullet points presented to you in the question.

All three bullet points need to be presented. And remember that some bullet points contain more than one element. So, make sure to watch for ‘and’ and plurals.

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