IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Some individuals claim
that is
Linking Words
 crucial to utilize leisure
activities
Use synonyms
 that improve the brain,
such
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 as reading and forming jigsaw puzzles.
However
Linking Words
, others think that it is imperative to rest the
mind
Use synonyms
 while having
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
spare time.
To begin
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 with, reading and doing word puzzles improve
cognitive
Correct article usage
the cognitive
show examples
mind
Use synonyms
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
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 for retirees. According to research, reading books and doing puzzles regularly
such
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 as
cross word
Correct your spelling
crossword
show examples
 or soduko games, are ways to enhance the brain and eliminate neurodegenerative problems
such
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 as dementia and
alzheimers
Change the capitalization
Alzheimers
Alzheimer's
show examples
.
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This
Correct pronoun usage
These
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
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 tested
to
Change preposition
on
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 several individuals who are not working especially the elderly.
Thus
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, they are proven to eliminate the early onset of dementia for young and elderly people.
On the other hand
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, others argued that it is better to rest the
mind
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.
This
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 is true
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some individuals who worked in highly stressful jobs like doctors, engineers and lawyers who utilized their brains often at work. These people engage in physical
activities
Use synonyms
such
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 as running, walking, hiking, and other physical sports
acitivities
Correct your spelling
activities
 that would help them to destress from daily
activities
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. These
activities
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 assist them to maintain a healthy
mind
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 and body.
As a result
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, they are productive
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their work. In conclusion, having
a leisure
Correct the article-noun agreement
leisure activities
a leisure activity
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 whether it is physical or not are beneficial for
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mind
Correct article usage
the mind
show examples
 and body. In my opinion, I believe that they are essential to improve the brain to eliminate neurodegenerative problems
such
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 as dementia or other cognitive
mind
Use synonyms
 problems.

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive abilities
  • mental stagnation
  • intellectually stimulating
  • relaxation
  • meditation
  • stress reduction
  • overall well-being
  • personal development
  • life satisfaction
  • sense of achievement
  • emotional balance
  • peace of mind
  • scientific evidence
  • memory
  • learning
  • creativity
  • emotional regulation
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