IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people claim that too much focus and resources have been spent on to protect wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #focus #resources #animals #birds
Nowadays , the issue of spending a large amount of money and energy on protecting wild species has ignited public attention from time to time.
Consequently
, some people come up with the contrasting view that these resources could be exploited on countries’ overall development . In my humble opinion , I partially agree with
this
 view , and
this
 essay will seek to examine the complex issue . On the one hand, there are serval reasons why conservative parties opine that animals who are going to be extinct should be protected by all means . The
first
 and foremost one is that these species are tentatively the key source of foreign income.
For example
, in Thailand , many
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 visit the Safari World to watch rare animals
such
 as Dolphins , Whales and Pandas for their recreational purposes , and , they are obviously intended
for
Change preposition
as
show examples
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 tourist
attraction
Fix the agreement mistake
attractions
show examples
.
Therefore
, it is essential to pay high attention
on
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 them for economic concerns. In spite of these positive financial effects,
on the other hand
 , other proponents assert that the allotted budget should be
first
 consumed on the country’s infrastructure , and there are still actual needs
particularly
Add the comma(s)
,particularly
show examples
 in
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 and health sectors.
This
 is because a nation’s economy specifically relies on each citizen’s improvement.
For instance
, the government can give no fees education system as a way of improving literacy rate while the needy people and retired ones are offered free healthcare .
As a result
, happy and healthy citizens can enhance
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
national improvement . To sum up , both sides have merits . From my perspective , I am partly on the side with
this
 statement because national’s financial income is as equally important as
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
show examples
 overall development. Total word – 290 , Time -45 mins
Submitted by wuttyiphoenix on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • wildlife conservation
  • ecosystem preservation
  • sustainable development
  • biodiversity
  • habitat destruction
  • ecological balance
  • ethical responsibility
  • economic benefits
  • endangered species
  • poaching
  • education and awareness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: