IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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Nowadays, the number of food and drink
products
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 consist of high levels of sweetness from
sugar
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 lead to
people
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 have unhealthy in their
health
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.
Thus
Linking Words
products
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 that contain
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
sugar
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 should be
a
Change preposition
at a
show examples
high
price
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 to encourage
people
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 to consume less
sugar
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. In my point of view, I disagree with
this
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 solution since there are many kinds of food or drink
consist
Wrong verb form
consisting
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 of
sugar
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 so there should not have a high
price
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.
In
Change preposition
On
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contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
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, they should begin with personal
behaviour
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 to consume less
sugar
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. The reason to support my opinion will be discussed in the following paragraphs. In daily life,
many
Correct your spelling
any
show examples
kind
Change to a plural noun
kinds
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 of food and drink
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
sugar
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 as the main ingredient. For
this
Linking Words
 reason,
sugar
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 should not have a high
price
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 in the market.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
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, the problems of
health
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 from consuming so much
sugar
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 can solve by personal
behaviour
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 and the
government
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the personal
behaviour
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,
people
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 should be select the manus that there is low
sugar
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 for your
health
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, consumers might try to find sweetness from natural
products
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such
Linking Words
 as the
sugar
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 from coconut and honey.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
government
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 should be lunch a
health
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 policy that educates
people
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 about the drawbacks of consuming
sugar
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 at a high level.
For example
Linking Words
, there is a problem of high blood
sugar
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, a cause of obesity, bones and tooth are weak and the main factor of acne problem.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
government
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 should be support
sugar
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 which makes from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
natural
products
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such
Linking Words
 as
sugar
Use synonyms
 from coconut and honey.  To summarise,
sugar
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 should not be more expensive in the market to encourage
people
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 to consume less
sugar
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 for their
health
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.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
show examples
, acknowledge
people
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to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
consume
sugar
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 from natural
products
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 and they should control themselves to consume low
sugar
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
government
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 should be lunch a
health
Use synonyms
 policy to support
people
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 to consume
sugar
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 from coconut and honey. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is more important than adapting the
price
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 of
sugar
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 to be high in the market. It is clear that I can be solved by personal
behaviour
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 and the
government
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.
Submitted by meeny_tm on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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