Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is this? Is it a positive or negative development?

#children #time #computer #games #sports #development

Playing

games

and

sports

contributes more to

children

's mental and physical health. In

this

modern world, offspring give more importance to playing

computer

games

rather than

sports

. I think

this

is a negative development, because of the new invention of virtual

games

that look more attractive. The main reason is personal

computer

games

are more attractive and addictive than

sports

because they make them feel happy and give more rewards for their winnings.

Moreover

, they do not want to spend time on physical activities.

This

advanced technology allows

children

to connect to people across the globe than playing outdoor

games

which

also

gives them a chance to get to know people.

For instance

, later the survey says more than 60% of the

children

are playing GTA which gives a real-world experience to the player. Playing

this

game will make an individual more fun and engaging. Spending too much time playing

computer

games

creates some problems for

children

such

as sleeping problems, eye problems and other health issues which are

also

the potential drawbacks to them. Another issue is that there are some violent video

games

that force them to copy that action towards their friends.

For example

, playing violent

games

results in bullying and bad behaviour

while

playing with their friends in real life. In conclusion, there are more negative developments to

children

spending more time playing

computer

games

than playing physical

sports

. The key is that parents should be aware of these potential risks and help their

children

to make a perfect balance to lead a healthy and happy life forever.

Submitted by insighttribez on Thu Jul 18 2024

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coherence cohesion

First, clearly introduce the main points that will be discussed in the essay. For instance, mention that the essay will explore reasons for children preferring computer games and discuss the positive and negative impacts.

task achievement

Besides mentioning examples like GTA, include other examples and statistical data to provide stronger support for the key points. This will bolster your arguments and make them more convincing.

coherence cohesion

Avoid repetition by using varied vocabulary and sentence structures. This will not only make the essay more readable but also demonstrate a strong command of English.

task achievement

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by explaining why children prefer computer games and discussing the negative impacts.

introduction conclusion present

The conclusion succinctly captures the key points made in the essay and suggests actionable advice for parents, which is commendable.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

262 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

allure
captivate
supervise
accessible
scarcity
safer alternative
peer pressure
educational tools
cognitive skills
implications
obesity
poor posture
hand-eye coordination
problem-solving abilities

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Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is this? Is it a positive or negative development?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Scientists found that most crimes are committed by people who lack education. Some people think that the best way to reduce the crime rate is to provide prisoners with education because it will help them find a job when they leave prison. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Several languages are in danger of extinction because they are spoken by very small numbers of people. Some people say that governments should spend public money on saving these langugages, while others believe that would be a waste of money. Discuss both these views and give your opinions

Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this case? Do you think this iş a positive or negatife development

The money spent by governments on space programmes would be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?