IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1

Some educationalists say a child should be taught to play a musical instrument. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#educationalists #child #instrument
Nowadays playing
musical
Add an article
a musical
show examples
 instrument is developing day by day.
In addition
 going to school more and more
parents
 give their
children
 to play musical instruments like a piano,guitar,violin and etc. On one hand,it is
useful
Correct article usage
a useful
show examples
 and interesting
emloyment
Correct your spelling
employment
 for
children
. Because I think
children
 should be occupied with something so that they do not commit a crime or do something foolery.
Also
,playing musical instruments
children
 change their world outlook,enrich
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 knowledge. Especially, it has benefits for
parents
. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
parents
so
Correct your spelling
do
show examples
 not worry about their
children
 while they are in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
profitable activity. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand,
children
 should
that
Add a missing verb
do that
show examples
 activity or subject
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 they are interested
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
 Not every
children
Change to a singular noun
child
show examples
 are fond of playing musical
instrumets
Correct your spelling
instruments
. In conclusion, I think
parents
 must know what their
children
 like or do not like.
Submitted by Weallneedit9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: