IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Do the dangers derived from the use of chemicals in food production and preservation outweigh the advantages?

#dangers #chemicals #food #production #preservation
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Chemicals
such
Linking Words
 as
food
Use synonyms
 preserving agents are commonly used in contemporary society. Opinions are divided over whether the merits of
food
Use synonyms
 preservatives supersede demerits. Regarding
this
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that the benefit of it
overwhelm
Change the verb form
overwhelms
show examples
 the drawback, and there is a certain reason. On the one hand, it is generally acknowledged that chemicals that are used for preservation
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
 potential health issues
such
Linking Words
 as
headache
Fix the agreement mistake
headaches
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 and bronchitis. Not only can these
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
 affect adults, but
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 may
also
Linking Words
 be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 children.
For instance
Linking Words
, the recent health report would seem to suggest that the respiratory symptoms of almost 10% of kids who have
alergic
Correct your spelling
allergic
athma
Correct your spelling
asthma
 become extremely worth after they
consumpe
Correct your spelling
consume
food
Use synonyms
 preserves. As the example clearly illustrates, artificial preservation for
food
Use synonyms
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 about negative effects on the body.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, as people can save
food
Use synonyms
 for longer with chemicals, it can solve
food
Use synonyms
 depletion. Since the
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
population has increased along with climate change
such
Linking Words
 as droughts and floods, a significant number of individuals suffer from the scarcity of ingredients.
For instance
Linking Words
,
one
Change preposition
in one
show examples
 of
countries
Add an article
the countries
show examples
 on the African continent, a child is dying in
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
three seconds due to hunger.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if they use
food
Use synonyms
 preservatives, they will keep
food
Use synonyms
 for a long time, thereby leading to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the number of starving people. In conclusion, while I accept that it could contribute to physical health
problme
Correct your spelling
problems
problem
, there is no doubt to point out that the positive aspect of
food
Use synonyms
 preserves weigh higher than the negative aspect
Submitted by hiasince38 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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