IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

“Prevention is better than cure”. Researching and treating disease is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventative measures. To what extent do you agree.

There is an ongoing debate over whether treating the root causes of
diseases
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 is better than trying to cure them. Some
people
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 claim that by preventing illness, we can save money. I totally disagree with
this
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 statement.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides of the argument and present my personal opinion. Some individuals firmly believe that "
prevention
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 is better than cure." They argue that authorities spend too much money on the
healthcare
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 system. They claim that the money governments invest in treating sick
people
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 could
instead
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 be used to prevent illness, thereby saving public funds.
For example
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, Kazakhstan invests approximately $10,000,000 in its
healthcare
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 system each year. By reducing the number of
people
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 who fall ill, the Kazakhstani government could potentially save a significant portion of
this
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 budget.
Nevertheless
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, I strongly believe that
prevention
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 alone is not the solution to the
healthcare
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 problem.
While
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 I agree that governments should encourage
people
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 to lead active and healthy lifestyles,
this
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 alone cannot completely eliminate illness. Accidents and unexpected medical conditions can still occur, regardless of how carefully one follows health-related guidelines. Many
diseases
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,
such
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 as those related to the heart, often go undetected until it is too late, and
people
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 may suffer from them without prior symptoms.
For instance
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, around 100,000
people
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 die annually from heart-related
diseases
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, many of which could not have been prevented through lifestyle changes alone.
To conclude
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, I completely disagree with the statement that
prevention
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 is better than cure. As discussed, accidents and unforeseen illnesses are often unavoidable, and no amount of
prevention
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 can fully protect individuals from them.
Therefore
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,
while
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prevention
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 is important, curing
diseases
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 remains an essential part of any
healthcare
Use synonyms
 system.

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task achievement
You presented a clear opinion on the topic and discussed both sides of the argument as required. However, consider developing more comprehensive examples to strengthen your points further.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. To improve coherence, transition phrases between points can be slightly enhanced for better flow.
task achievement
While you offered valid points, make sure each main point is supported with more specific examples. This can improve the overall clarity and comprehensiveness of your arguments.
task achievement
The introduction effectively sets the stage for your argument and clearly mentions your stance.
coherence and cohesion
You have a solid conclusion that summarizes your main argument and provides a final opinion.
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