Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
The latest years have seen a sharp development in the field of technology with a consequential increase in its usage to observe what ordinary people do or say. Cell phones and security cameras allow staying with people 24 hours a day, without their knowledge of
this
fact. Frankly, I find it tough to list noticeable advantages linked to this
steady increase in monitoring and this
essay will explain reasons for my opinion.
Obviously, the fact that all actions and speeches are recorded means that in some fields things can be easier and quicker. For instance
, judges can use these records as witnesses in their trials, so that they come quickly to a resolution. Moreover
, researches
people do by surfing the net Correct subject-verb agreement
research
represent
useful data that Correct subject-verb agreement
represents
allow
companies to send customized advertising to their potential customers. All these seem to be positive aspects .
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
However
, this
rapid development has some major drawbacks. Because we always have a mobile phone with us, we are constantly observed in what we do or say, where we are and with whom we meet. Consequently
, our privacy is quite nonexistent. While
we surf the net, cell phones collect a huge amount of information regarding our personality. As a result
, a virtual copy of each person is created and corresponding data are sold to big companies that use them in order to optimise their profits. Thus
, we are treated as objects to be sold and bought.
In conclusion, frankly, I think that recent technological developments have made our lives increasingly different and the number of disadvantages linked to this
change overcome positive aspects. Despite this
fact, it is undeniable that technologies often make our lives easier and thus
we have to deal with them.Submitted by Federico Pivano King on
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task response
The essay partially responds to the question and covers both advantages and disadvantages of increased monitoring. However, a clearer stance on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages would improve task response.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is mostly coherent, but the introduction and conclusion could be more clearly presented. Additionally, the development of each main point needs to be more focused and connected.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses appropriate lexical resources to present ideas. However, there is a need for more precise and varied vocabulary to enhance the overall quality of expression.
grammatical range
The essay shows a good control of grammar with varied sentence structures. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and errors in sentence construction that affect the overall fluency and accuracy of the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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