Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#technology #people #cell #phone #security #cameras #cases #development

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The latest years have seen a sharp development in the field of technology with a consequential increase in its usage to observe what ordinary people do or say. Cell phones and security cameras allow staying with people 24 hours a day, without their knowledge of

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fact. Frankly, I find it tough to list noticeable advantages linked to

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steady increase in monitoring and

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essay will explain reasons for my opinion. Obviously, the fact that all actions and speeches are recorded means that in some fields things can be easier and quicker.

For instance

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, judges can use these records as witnesses in their trials, so that they come quickly to a resolution.

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researches

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research

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people do by surfing the net

represent

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represents

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useful data that

allow

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allows

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companies to send customized advertising to their potential customers. All these seem to be positive aspects .

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this

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rapid development has some major drawbacks. Because we always have a mobile phone with us, we are constantly observed in what we do or say, where we are and with whom we meet.

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, our privacy is quite nonexistent.

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we surf the net, cell phones collect a huge amount of information regarding our personality.

As a result

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, a virtual copy of each person is created and corresponding data are sold to big companies that use them in order to optimise their profits.

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, we are treated as objects to be sold and bought. In conclusion, frankly, I think that recent technological developments have made our lives increasingly different and the number of disadvantages linked to

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change overcome positive aspects. Despite

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fact, it is undeniable that technologies often make our lives easier and

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we have to deal with them.

Submitted by Federico Pivano King on Wed Mar 09 2022

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task response

The essay partially responds to the question and covers both advantages and disadvantages of increased monitoring. However, a clearer stance on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages would improve task response.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is mostly coherent, but the introduction and conclusion could be more clearly presented. Additionally, the development of each main point needs to be more focused and connected.

lexical resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses appropriate lexical resources to present ideas. However, there is a need for more precise and varied vocabulary to enhance the overall quality of expression.

grammatical range

The essay shows a good control of grammar with varied sentence structures. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and errors in sentence construction that affect the overall fluency and accuracy of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

287 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

1. Surveillance
2. Monitoring
3. Cell phone tracking
4. Security cameras
5. Public safety
6. Law enforcement
7. Privacy concerns
8. Personal freedom
9. Autonomous
10. Breach of trust
11. Misuse of information
12. Institutional integrity
13. Psychological impact
14. Mental well-being
15. Societal trust
16. Paranoia
17. Transparency
18. Stringent regulations
19. Criminal deterrence
20. Apprehension of criminals

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