People should look after their health because this is a duty to the society not just a personal benefits. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #health #duty #society

Some think that

people

should take care of their

health

as it is not only a duty to the community but

also

a personal

benefits

Correct the article-noun agreement

benefit

show examples

. As far as I

concerned

Add a missing verb

am concerned

show examples

, I totally agree with their idea. In

this

essay, I will point out some of my idea and reasons for my agreement.

First

of all,

Remove the article

apply

show examples

health

is the most important thing that everyone should take care of. It is undeniable fact that a healthy person is a joyful person.

In addition

, healthy

people

make

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society better.

For example

, an unhealthy person may release the virus and bacteria to the

enviorment

Correct your spelling

environment

through coughing. On the

one's

Change noun form

one

show examples

hand,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

health

can bring a lot of personal's advantages. The

first

merit that can be brought is real happiness.

This

is because healthy

people

can do everything that

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

them happy. They can work harder and make more money rather than unhealthy

people

. Unhealthy

people

could not happy as much as normal

people

. Especially

people

who suffer

serious

Change preposition

from serious

show examples

diseases are more likely to feel depressed and stressed . They have to take a lot of medicine and avoid their favourite foods.

Nevertheless

, healthy

people

can eat every food they want without worrying

Change preposition

about healthy

show examples

healthy

Replace the word

health

show examples

problems.

Besides

people

who always take care of their

health

looks very young and active. What is more, being healthy can have better

opportunies

Correct your spelling

opportunities

in education and

works

Fix the agreement mistake

work

show examples

since they can put more

efforts

Fix the agreement mistake

effort

show examples

Change preposition

into

show examples

get

Change the word

their

show examples

achievement. There is no doubt that being unhealthy may delay

people

's dreams. Being

healty

Correct your spelling

healthy

is a natural gift from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

god. Several steps must be done to have a healthy lifestyle

such

have

Wrong verb form

having

show examples

enough sleep time,

avoid

Wrong verb form

avoiding

show examples

having junk foods and

eat

Wrong verb form

eating

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

nutritious meals. Most importantly, doing exercise

everyday

Replace the word

every day

show examples

because exercise can improve stamina. To sum up,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

health

is the key to every success and it can make the world more peaceful, fresh and happy.

Submitted by tthoon21 on Sun Mar 13 2022

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

315 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

duty
well-being
burden
healthcare systems
productive
economy
example
empower
informed choices

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nuclear power is far too dangerous, therefore, countries should ban its use and concentrate instead on developing alternative sources such as hydroelectric power and solar energy.to what extent do you agree.

With a growing world population one of the most pressing issues is that of feeding such a large number of people. Some people think that GM foods offer a viable solution to this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? (plural, plural)

Crime appears to be rising in most countries in the world, especially among young people. Identify the possible causes of this trend, and propose some solutions you think would be effective.

Some people say that protecting the environment is the government’s responsibility. Others believe that individuals should be responsible for it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.