IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

People should look after their health because this is a duty to the society not just a personal benefits. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #health #duty #society
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Some think that
people
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 should take care of their
health
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 as it is not only a duty to the community but
also
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 a personal
benefits
Correct the article-noun agreement
benefit
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. As far as I
concerned
Add a missing verb
am concerned
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, I totally agree with their idea. In
this
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 essay, I will point out some of my idea and reasons for my agreement.
First
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 of all,
a
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apply
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health
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 is the most important thing that everyone should take care of. It is undeniable fact that a healthy person is a joyful person.
In addition
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, healthy
people
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 make
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society better.
For example
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, an unhealthy person may release the virus and bacteria to the
enviorment
Correct your spelling
environment
 through coughing. On the
one's
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one
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 hand,
the
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apply
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health
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 can bring a lot of personal's advantages. The
first
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 merit that can be brought is real happiness.
This
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 is because healthy
people
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 can do everything that
make
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makes
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 them happy. They can work harder and make more money rather than unhealthy
people
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. Unhealthy
people
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 could not happy as much as normal
people
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. Especially
people
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 who suffer
serious
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from serious
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 diseases are more likely to feel depressed and stressed . They have to take a lot of medicine and avoid their favourite foods.
Nevertheless
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, healthy
people
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 can eat every food they want without worrying
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about healthy
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healthy
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health
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 problems.
Besides
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,
people
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 who always take care of their
health
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 looks very young and active. What is more, being healthy can have better
opportunies
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opportunities
 in education and
works
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work
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 since they can put more
efforts
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effort
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to
Change preposition
into
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 get
an
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their
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 achievement. There is no doubt that being unhealthy may delay
people
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's dreams. Being
healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
 is a natural gift from
the
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apply
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god. Several steps must be done to have a healthy lifestyle
such
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 as
have
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having
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 enough sleep time,
avoid
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avoiding
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 having junk foods and
eat
Wrong verb form
eating
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the
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apply
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nutritious meals. Most importantly, doing exercise
everyday
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every day
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 because exercise can improve stamina. To sum up,
the
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apply
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health
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 is the key to every success and it can make the world more peaceful, fresh and happy.
Submitted by tthoon21 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • duty
  • well-being
  • burden
  • healthcare systems
  • productive
  • economy
  • example
  • empower
  • informed choices
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