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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many students choose to take a gap year before starting university, to travel or gain work experience. Do you think this is a good idea or a waste of time?

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The problem of whether or not most
students
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 should take a gap
year
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 in case to gain professional experience or travel just before applying to a
university
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 has sparked a heated debate.
While
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 some individuals argue that taking a
year
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 off is a big waste of time for
students
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, I contend that it is better to explore the world and spend time on personal growth, as it would exert a positive/negative influence on applicants. There are several reasons why proponents of taking gap years before starting
university
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 study maintain that it is the worst idea to do so, with the most salient being that applicants can feel fear of missing out
due to
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 their age difference from other
university
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 learners.
For example
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,
according to
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 Yale
University
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 research, about 35% of their
students
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 can not properly join the community ,and feel a bit neglected as they are much older than their classmates. Another cogent reason is that most parents worry about the academic performance of their children, which might precipitate not only their grades
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
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 their well-being. I firmly believe that having a break for a
year
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 after graduation is relatively positive, primarily
due to
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 its implications for personal improvement and growth, as teenagers are just entering adult life and it is important to gain life experience.
Furthermore
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, having a
year
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 between graduation and
university
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 application gives an opportunity to stabilize mental and physical health, which substantiates
this
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 stance.
For example
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, a study conducted by the Worldwide Healthcare Organization proved that every fifth student in Kanada does not face academic stress, as they had a gap
year
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 before starting studying.
This
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 is particularly desirable as it would culminate in adult life
,
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apply
show examples
 because
students
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 who took a
year
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 off have not only needed experience
,
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apply
show examples
 but good well-being. In summary,
while
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 opponents contend that a hiatus before an academic comeback is not worth it
due to
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 its negative influence on academic performance and place in the
university
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 community, I unequivocally assert that taking a
year
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 to improve self-characteristics is a more pragmatic and beneficial approach.

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Task Achievement
Consider improving the clarity of your arguments by using more specific examples and clearer statements to support your views.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow of ideas. Ensure each paragraph ties back to the main argument and flows logically to the next point.
Task Achievement
You articulated a clear position on the topic, and your introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay's argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay contains a solid structure with distinct paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument, which aids in reader comprehension.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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