IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say the government should not put money into building theaters and sports stadiums, they should spend more money on medical care and education. To what extent do you agree or disagree this opinion?

It's argued that expenditure made by Governments on medical care and
education
Use synonyms
 is far more important than spending on
sports
Use synonyms
stadiums
Use synonyms
 and theatres.
However
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 I believe medical facilities and
education
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 important , I disagree with the fact that Governments should spend more money on
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 and neglect
sports
Use synonyms
 and theatre.
Firstly
Linking Words
, building
sports
Use synonyms
stadiums
Use synonyms
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
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 a nation to participate in international events
;
Punctuation problem
,
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such
Linking Words
 as
South
Correct article usage
the South
show examples
 Pacific Games. It provides a chance for different nations to come together , thereby encouraging international unity. By avoiding investing in
such
Linking Words
 ventures, it foregoes the chance of creating harmony.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
sports
Use synonyms
 facilities like
stadiums
Use synonyms
 and courts create a safe space for young adults to participate and use their energy in a more valuable manner. It is proven by many studies conducted
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
that the crime rate in a city can be reduced by nearly 50% through encouraging sporting activities;sporting facilities are one
such
Linking Words
 example.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, through investing in theatre, the Government helped to preserve the nation's culture and history. It
further
Linking Words
 promotes artistic creativity , as not all are gifted sportsmen.
In addition
Linking Words
, it is a form of entertainment for the public,
hence
Linking Words
, minimising the stress created within society.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
,
sports
Use synonyms
 and art are part of
education
Use synonyms
 too. In many
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
countries
Punctuation problem
countries,
show examples
 both of these fields are highly encouraged.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, areas
such
Linking Words
 as medical care are vital for nations
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the best example is the recent COVID pandemic. In conclusion, there are major benefits in improving medical care and
education
Use synonyms
, but that does not mean
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 should not venture into areas
such
Linking Words
 as building
sports
Use synonyms
stadiums
Use synonyms
 and theatres; the main reason being, it gives the opportunity for international harmony , reduction of crime and a chance to preserve one's culture.

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position
State a clear personal position in the opening paragraph and keep it steady throughout the essay.
content
Add reasons for each point and give a simple, concrete example for support.
language
Check grammar and punctuation; break long sentences into shorter ones.
structure
Use simple linking words to connect ideas; avoid too many long links.
content
The essay shows a balanced view and touches on culture, safety, and unity.
organization
Clear structure with introduction, body, and conclusion.
content
Effort to give examples and reasons.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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