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Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some infomation is too important or too valueable to be shared freely.

#people #information #research #business #world #infomation #valueable
It is argued that several people believe that sharing more
in depth
Add a hyphen
in-depth
show examples
information
 is better in terms of scientific research, business and in
academic
Add an article
the academic
show examples
 world, whilst
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 says the
information
 is too meaningful to share.
This
 essay agrees completely with the situation
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 to give only enough
information
 depending on the severity of the
information
 and for profitable meaning in terms of
marketing
Add an article
the marketing
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 world. There
are
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is
show examples
 valuable
information
 that
need
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needs
show examples
 to be known in depth for different situation. The public should be aware if there are recent studies that will affect the people and the environment.
Furthermore
, valuable knowledge should be given to the public. The prime example is the recent pandemic covid-19
,
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apply
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 if only the
information
 was disseminated properly maybe it will not
took
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take
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 two
year
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years
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the
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for the
show examples
 epidemic to stop. There
are
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is
show examples
also
 some
information
 that
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be kept for some profitable reason. The
information
 should not be in public because it may hinder
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
business production. For instances the valuable product in the market. Coke product is the best example because there
are
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is
show examples
 only two
person
Change to a plural noun
people
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 who knows their formula. In my opinion, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 some
information
 that the public should because of
potential
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potentially
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harmful
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harm
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 to the people and surrounding and there are several
information
 that
need
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needs
show examples
 to be kept with
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 amount of
information
 because of the market strategy.
Submitted by brainfreeze on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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