IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that success is mainly measured by how much money a person has. To what extent do you agree?

#people #success #money #person
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Success
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 has been viewed as a desirable goal of human life which
people
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 are trying hard throughout the best years of their lifelong to achieve
it
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apply
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. It is widely accepted that one of
the
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an
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 integral
part
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parts
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 of being successful is being wealthy.
However
Linking Words
, I am completely in disagreement with the above-said view. The following essay will overlook two important reasons that explain why
the
Correct article usage
apply
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money
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 can not bring
success
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.
Firstly
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, happiness is the fundamental
pilar
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pillar
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 of
feelling
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feeling
success
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 that usually be achieved by spending
time
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on
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apply
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enjoying our lives.
For example
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, the more we spend
time
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 on our hobbies the more we are satisfied and happy.
In contrast
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, earning
money
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 needs working hard and spending the majority of our days even weekends pursuing our careers and goals which is incompatible with enjoying our lives.
Consequently
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, the rich
people
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 who work most of their lives can not be assumed successful
people
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 unless they have
time
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 for enjoying life.
Moreover
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, successful folks are those who are famous in their careers which does not necessarily
means
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mean
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 the ones who are earning more.
For instance
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, a famous carpenter in a small town can
feels
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feel
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 more successful than a regular doctor in a big city who is earning
alot
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a lot
.
Although
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 most
of
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apply
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popular
Add an article
the popular
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people
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 might earn enough due to the great number of customers, there are many
people
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 who
has
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have
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 not been increasing their customers' fees and
subsequently
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 are not wealthy despite
of
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apply
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being famous. It means that fame makes it possible to be successful without being rich. To sum up, having enough
money
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 does not guarantee
the
Correct article usage
apply
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success
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. I believe that being happy and famous are playing
more
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a more
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 significant role in achieving
this
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 goal since the
time
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 spent on earning
money
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 prevents the former and the
latters
Correct your spelling
latter
letters
latter's
 one is not always the consequence of being rich.
Submitted by panizfathi70128 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • success
  • financial wealth
  • measurement
  • achievements
  • entrepreneurs
  • personal fulfillment
  • philanthropy
  • accomplishments
  • well-being
  • material possessions
  • status symbol
  • indicators
  • self-actualization
  • monetary gains
  • non-materialistic
  • social impact
  • status
  • fulfillment
  • aspiration
  • well-off
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