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Writing Samples
Band 6

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work
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Students
 nowadays are under a lot of pressure to achieve
academical
Replace the word
academic
show examples
 success in order to get into a good university or secure a
well paid
Add a hyphen
well-paid
show examples
 job. For
this
reason
Add a comma
,reason
show examples
 some people argue that schools need to focus on academic
subjects
 and vocational
subjects
 should
therefore
 not
taught
Add a missing verb
be taught
show examples
 at schools. I would argue that while academic
skills
 are important, schools need to teach a wide range of both academic and more
skills
-based
subjects
.
Firstly
,
school
Add an article
the school
a school
show examples
 should not only be about teaching academic
skills
 but a wider range of life
skills
 so that
students
 can join society when leaving
school
. Practical
subjects
 can help to teach these
skills
 to
students
.
For example
, physical education teaches
students
 how to work as part of a team and
also
 the importance of being healthy.
Furthermore
, if cookery is taught
then
students
 would learn a great deal about health and nutrition.
Secondly
, academic
subjects
 are not of equal
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 all
students
. There is the possibility of including more practical
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
 on the syllabus like woodwork, textile design and computing
skills
. If they study these
subjects
students
 will increase their employment prospects and could help them to secure employment when they leave
school
. It is important to remember that not all
students
 will continue to higher education and
school
 needs to enable those
students
 to find work.
Finally
, too much pressure should not be put on
school
students
. Taking part in
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
 like art, music or drama gives
students
 the opportunity to be creative.
This
 could help them to manage stress degrees and have more productive in other areas. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 I would argue that
although
 academic
subjects
being
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 important,
this
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should not be the only focus of a
school
 syllabus. There are a number of benefits to teaching
students
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
Submitted by Mikado on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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