Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is a controversial conception heating up a debate over whether it is better for youngsters to read stories from a book than watch
televisions
Fix the agreement mistake
television
show examples
or play video
games
Use synonyms
on
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
. I do not have a consensus
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
Linking Words
idea. Without a shadow of a doubt, ploughing through a book brings desirable impacts on kids. Reading
books
Use synonyms
not only helps children improve their knowledge
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
Linking Words
lends them a hand
seeking
Change preposition
in seeking
show examples
a tranquil frame of mind after an intimidating studying day.
For instance
Linking Words
, Doraemon, which is the most
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
comic all over the world for toddlers, can be cited as a compelling example, the young can not only blow up some steam by reading it but
also
Linking Words
learn more about friendship.
Hence
Linking Words
, flicking through a book could act as a stress reliever after a daunting day.
While
Linking Words
the redeeming features of tasting
books
Use synonyms
are widely acknowledged, it is unfair if those of watching
TV
Use synonyms
and playing
games
Use synonyms
are ignored. Similar to reading
books
Use synonyms
, being a
TV
Use synonyms
watcher
also
Linking Words
helps children cram into insightful knowledge
as well as
Linking Words
let their hair down after an
exhausted
Replace the word
exhausting
show examples
day.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, video
games
Use synonyms
and
TV
Use synonyms
shows can
also
Linking Words
enhance teenager’s imagination.
For example
Linking Words
, Michigan University had done research and concluded that playing
games
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
as strategy
games
Use synonyms
would help adolescents enrich their logical ability.
Thus
Linking Words
, television and
games
Use synonyms
lent a hand in widening their insights. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
reading
books
Use synonyms
could expand a kid's range of knowledge and relieve stress, watching
TV
Use synonyms
and playing
games
Use synonyms
can
also
Linking Words
do those too.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To enhance your score in Task Achievement, ensure that your essay fully responds to all parts of the prompt. Consider if your view is clear and if opposite views are explored. Add more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, employ a wider range of linking words and organize paragraphs more clearly. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas flow logically from one to the next.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Imagination
  • Visualization
  • Complex vocabulary
  • Sentence structure
  • Focus
  • Concentration
  • Passive activity
  • Interactive activity
  • Gratification
  • Diverse perspectives
  • Cultural perspective
  • Historical perspective
  • Attention span
  • Educational enrichment
  • Cognitive development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: