Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a controversial conception heating up a debate over whether it is better for youngsters to read stories from a book than watch
televisions
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television
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or play video
games
on
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
. I do not have a consensus
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
idea. Without a shadow of a doubt, ploughing through a book brings desirable impacts on kids. Reading
books
not only helps children improve their knowledge
,
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apply
show examples
but
also
lends them a hand
seeking
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in seeking
show examples
a tranquil frame of mind after an intimidating studying day.
For instance
, Doraemon, which is the most
well known
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well-known
show examples
comic all over the world for toddlers, can be cited as a compelling example, the young can not only blow up some steam by reading it but
also
learn more about friendship.
Hence
, flicking through a book could act as a stress reliever after a daunting day.
While
the redeeming features of tasting
books
are widely acknowledged, it is unfair if those of watching
TV
and playing
games
are ignored. Similar to reading
books
, being a
TV
watcher
also
helps children cram into insightful knowledge
as well as
let their hair down after an
exhausted
Replace the word
exhausting
show examples
day.
Furthermore
, video
games
and
TV
shows can
also
enhance teenager’s imagination.
For example
, Michigan University had done research and concluded that playing
games
such
as strategy
games
would help adolescents enrich their logical ability.
Thus
, television and
games
lent a hand in widening their insights. In conclusion,
while
reading
books
could expand a kid's range of knowledge and relieve stress, watching
TV
and playing
games
can
also
do those too.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Task Achievement
To enhance your score in Task Achievement, ensure that your essay fully responds to all parts of the prompt. Consider if your view is clear and if opposite views are explored. Add more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, employ a wider range of linking words and organize paragraphs more clearly. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas flow logically from one to the next.

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