Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #stories #book #tv #computer #games #children

There is a controversial conception heating up a debate over whether it is better for youngsters to read stories from a book than watch

televisions

Fix the agreement mistake

television

show examples

or play video

games

computer

Add an article

the computer

a computer

show examples

. I do not have a consensus

with

Change preposition

show examples

this

idea. Without a shadow of a doubt, ploughing through a book brings desirable impacts on kids. Reading

books

not only helps children improve their knowledge

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

lends them a hand

seeking

Change preposition

in seeking

show examples

a tranquil frame of mind after an intimidating studying day.

For instance

, Doraemon, which is the most

well known

Add a hyphen

well-known

show examples

comic all over the world for toddlers, can be cited as a compelling example, the young can not only blow up some steam by reading it but

also

learn more about friendship.

Hence

, flicking through a book could act as a stress reliever after a daunting day.

While

the redeeming features of tasting

books

are widely acknowledged, it is unfair if those of watching

and playing

games

are ignored. Similar to reading

books

, being a

watcher

also

helps children cram into insightful knowledge

as well as

let their hair down after an

exhausted

Replace the word

exhausting

show examples

day.

Furthermore

, video

games

and

shows can

also

enhance teenager’s imagination.

For example

, Michigan University had done research and concluded that playing

games

such

as strategy

games

would help adolescents enrich their logical ability.

Thus

, television and

games

lent a hand in widening their insights. In conclusion,

while

reading

books

could expand a kid's range of knowledge and relieve stress, watching

and playing

games

can

also

do those too.

Submitted by hominhtrang995 on Mon Mar 14 2022

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Task Achievement

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Coherence and Cohesion

For Coherence and Cohesion, employ a wider range of linking words and organize paragraphs more clearly. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas flow logically from one to the next.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

256 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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