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Band 4

People today can use the internet to learn about lives and cultures in other countries, so it is necessary to travel anymore.Do you agree?

#people #internet #lives #cultures #countries #travel
The
internet
 is the best way that
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 can learn a lot, has become a big part of
life
 .
People
 can learn about
life
Correct article usage
the life
show examples
 and cultures of other
countries
 by using the
internet
 and
there
Change the word
it
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 is necessary to travel . I disagree with
this
 opinion and I think that human needs more meet new
people
 and knowledge.
First
at
Change preposition
of
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 all, one of the major concerns individuals used to travel and not only to experienced about other
countries
.
For example
 , tourists are visiting
countries
 like Indonesia , India to experience the climate. Even though
people
 can learn about other things from the
internet
.
People
’s
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
show examples
 and
imagination
Fix the agreement mistake
imaginations
show examples
 are being played by the
internet
 and sometimes the things on the
internet
 are not real. Their social skills are getting worst
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because some of them
seems
Change the verb form
seem
show examples
are
Change the verb form
to be
show examples
 attached
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 computers, phones etc. They can have a chance to go and learn more things
such
 as languages like English ,Spanish, French etc.
Second
, If
people
are only search
Change the verb form
are only searching
show examples
information
Change preposition
for information
show examples
 from the
internet
 about the culture,
life
 and different
countries
then
 their
life
 will become more boring. Exploration of a new place gives more personal knowledge and understanding. It makes memories and new experiences it helps their personalities. In conclusion, I believe that travelling to other
countries
 to learn about other cultures and
life
necessary
Add a missing verb
is necessary
show examples
. Much better than
seem
Correct your spelling
seen
show examples
over
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
internet
 and it
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 only about the cultures but
also
 make
people
’s
life
 more imaginative.
Submitted by 2563150921 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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