IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

More and more people are interested in finding out their family history. Why has this happened? Is this a positive or negative development?

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In today’s world, there is an increasing number of people seeking to learn about their lineage. Personally,
this
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 trend is caused by a wide range of contributing factors,
however
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, its potential risks should not be ignored.
To begin
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 with,
this
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 action could originate from several motives. It is the uncovering of the family’s past that might make people proud of their origins. The reason is that when investigating who their ancestors were, they may find out that their predecessors played significant roles in society.
For example
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, it is interesting that their relatives were talented generals or parts of royal families, thereby serving as motivation for individuals to strive for their success. Another aspect worth mentioning is that family cultural understanding would be fostered. Traditional values of their family
such
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 as respect, and loyalty,...
as a result
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, could be passed down from generation to generation.
In contrast
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, were youngsters not attracted to learning about their roots, those good values would run the risk of being harmed.
On the other hand
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, regardless of its merits, there are persuasive arguments as to why people might disapprove of exploring their family tree. So difficult is the research that it might be a time-consuming activity.
This
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 could come down to the fact that accessible or organized historical records are lacking
due to
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 so many factors namely war, natural disasters, and living location changes that data collection must be implemented in different places and might be impossible in some cases. The second drawback is that it could be to blame for potential emotional challenges including regret, suspicion, and misery.
This
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 is because unexpected or sensitive information through family history might be detected, which is one of the most significant reasons why a number of descendants feel disappointed after the investigation process. In conclusion, learning about family history is associated with some undesired results. It is highly recommended that
this
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 kind of passion should be taken at a moderate level.

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task achievement
Your introduction provides a good overview of the topic, but try to directly address the question of why there has been an increased interest in finding out family history. Make your position clear (positive or negative) in the introduction for a stronger start.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with clear paragraphs for each main point. However, consider using more linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. While you mentioned general advantages and disadvantages, integrating real-life examples or statistics would make your arguments more compelling and improve your task achievement score.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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