IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

People today can use the internet to learn about lives and cultures in other countries, so it is necessary to travel anymore.Do you agree?

#people #internet #lives #cultures #countries #travel
Nowadays many
people
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 has all the
information
 for them to learn the
culture
 of
different
Add an article
the different
show examples
 country just as
travel
 does, so they choose to stay at their
home
 and not
travel
.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 when I look at the
information
 on
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 it doesn’t provide the latest
information
 or practical experience,
therefore
people
 still need to
travel
 to learn about
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
.
On the other hand
, I believe that it is better for
learners
 to
travel
 to the country of the
culture
 that they want to learn about.
Although
 there is a lot of
information
in
Change the preposition
on
show examples
 the
internet
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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it might be out of date because the world is always changing,
therefore
 the
information
 long time ago may not be
accuracy
Replace the word
accurate
show examples
.
For instance
, new food, new fashion, new words are being made every year, so
learners
 need to
travel
 and learn what the local
people
 really wear, eat and speak.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
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 if
learners
 only stay in their
home
 they won’t get any experiences for only staying
home
 reading
information
 online.
Therefore
,
people
 need to go
travel
 to know what is actually going on in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 certain place.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 the new fashion, food and words that are being made so
learners
 need to
travel
 to learn what local
people
 actually wear, eat and speak.
Besides
,
people
 cannot get any experience
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 only staying at
home
, so they need to
travel
 to get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
direct
exposed
Replace the word
exposure
show examples
 to the
culture
. In conclusion, even there is a big amount of
information
 on the
internet
people
 still need to go travelling to learn better about one
culture
 of a place.
Submitted by 2563150921 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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