IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

People today can use the internet to learn about lives and cultures in other countries, so it is necessary to travel anymore.Do you agree?

#people #internet #lives #cultures #countries #travel
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Nowadays many
people
Use synonyms
believes
Change the verb form
believe
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 that
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 has all the
information
Use synonyms
 for them to learn the
culture
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 of
different
Add an article
the different
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 country just as
travel
Use synonyms
 does, so they choose to stay at their
home
Use synonyms
 and not
travel
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
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 when I look at the
information
Use synonyms
 on
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
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 it doesn’t provide the latest
information
Use synonyms
 or practical experience,
therefore
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 still need to
travel
Use synonyms
 to learn about
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
Use synonyms
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that it is better for
learners
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 to
travel
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 to the country of the
culture
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 that they want to learn about.
Although
Linking Words
 there is a lot of
information
Use synonyms
in
Change the preposition
on
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 the
internet
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but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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it might be out of date because the world is always changing,
therefore
Linking Words
 the
information
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 long time ago may not be
accuracy
Replace the word
accurate
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, new food, new fashion, new words are being made every year, so
learners
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 need to
travel
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 and learn what the local
people
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 really wear, eat and speak.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
,addition
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 if
learners
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 only stay in their
home
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 they won’t get any experiences for only staying
home
Use synonyms
 reading
information
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 online.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
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 need to go
travel
Use synonyms
 to know what is actually going on in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 certain place.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
,instance
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 the new fashion, food and words that are being made so
learners
Use synonyms
 need to
travel
Use synonyms
 to learn what local
people
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 actually wear, eat and speak.
Besides
Linking Words
,
people
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 cannot get any experience
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 only staying at
home
Use synonyms
, so they need to
travel
Use synonyms
 to get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
direct
exposed
Replace the word
exposure
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 to the
culture
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, even there is a big amount of
information
Use synonyms
 on the
internet
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 still need to go travelling to learn better about one
culture
Use synonyms
 of a place.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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