Nowadays, an increasing number of people with helath problems are using alternative medicine and treatment instead of visitiong their normal doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development.

In recent years, more people have begun to turn to
alternative
medicine
rather than seeking help from their regular doctors.
While
some see
this
trend as a positive move towards more natural and holistic healing, I believe it presents more dangers
such
as insecurity and lack of doctor's qualifications. Undoubtedly, there are a number of
alternative
treatments that do not correspond to mandatory requirements namely scientific evidence. To exemplify, Ayurveda is an Indian traditional treatment method, where as much as 80% of the population report using Ayurveda, but there was no proof from science;
conversely
,
safety
concerns have been raised about Ayurveda, with two U.S. studies finding about 20% of Ayurvedic Indian-manufactured patent medicines contained toxic levels of heavy metals
such
as lead, mercury and arsenic. There are an enormous number of
such
kinds of
alternative
medicine
that are still unchecked by doctors, who are proving the effect on practice; scientists, who are proving the effect theoretically; and the government, who gave permission to use it in ordinary
medicine
.
Therefore
, residents must rely on proven and safe treatment methods in public hospitals.
Moreover
, most of the doctors who practice
alternative
medicine
don't have a licence or permission.
For example
, reports from organizations like the WHO and legal actions by agencies like the FDA highlight the lack of regulation, leading to unlicensed individuals providing treatments without proper qualifications, which can endanger patient
safety
. Absence of the licence can lead to the lethal endings, which is really rare in regular
medicine
.
Furthermore
,
this
is
also
illegal in every single state of the world.
Hence
, it is better to use NHS rather than
alternative
PHS
due to
safety
reasons. In conclusion, the absence of scientific evidence and proper licensing among many
alternative
medicine
practitioners
further
exacerbates these dangers, posing significant threats to patient
safety
. It is crucial for individuals to prioritize proven and regulated treatments provided by licensed healthcare professionals in public hospitals to ensure their well-being.
Submitted by Umar on

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task achievement
While your essay comprehensively covers the topic, ensure that each idea is elaborated with more specific details and examples. This will enhance the depth of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is quite good, but try to make transitions between paragraphs smoother. Use linking words to connect ideas in a more coherent way.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly sets up the topic and your stance. This clearly guides the reader on what to expect.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This helps in understanding your main points effectively.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and support your arguments well, especially the instance about Ayurveda. This adds credibility to your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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