IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some parents buy their children whatever they ask for, and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this a good way to raise children? What consequences could this style of parenting have for children as they get older? Write 250 words.

#parents #children #consequences #style
There is no doubt that
ther
Correct your spelling
there
they
 are a lot of
parents
provide
Correct pronoun usage
who provide
show examples
 their
children
 with whatever they ask for and let them do whatever they want.
However
, I disagree with
parents
 who think that those activities are acceptable to raise
children
, as I believe they will result in their
children
 becoming entitled. When the
parents
 allow those parenting styles to continue for years, their
children
 will develop an expectation that something will always be available in their time of need regardless
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 circumstances.They will never settle for anything less than what they expect. The
children
 will feel entitled.
That is
 exactly why
parents
 should teach their
children
 from
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 early age that not everything will go our way,
that bad things
Change the determiner
that bad thing
those bad things
show examples
 may occur, and that we must
prepared
Change the verb form
prepare
be prepared
show examples
 ourselves to accept them. Another thing to note is that those parenting styles will make it more difficult for the
children
 to find new friends because they typically never learn to share. They are constantly put themselves
first
, which makes sharing tough. Based on the foregoing
that is
 exactly why
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
parents
 should avoid
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
overly
spoiled
Wrong verb form
spoiling
show examples
 their
children
 because it will have harmful effects in the future.
Parents
 should develop clear boundaries for their kids in order for the kids to learn to be satisfied with
whay
Correct your spelling
what
 they already have and what they have been given.
In
Correct your spelling
I
show examples
 hope in their adulthood they
Submitted by miarosmia8 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • indulgent
  • entitlement
  • discipline
  • responsibility
  • nurturing
  • self-reliance
  • adversity
  • autonomy
  • validation
  • dependence
What to do next:
Look at other essays: