IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people,however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#governments #progress #people #country
The
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant
influences
Fix the agreement mistake
influence
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the wealth of a nation.There are many
countries
think
Correct pronoun usage
that think
show examples
 about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic progress as the most important goal while some people assume that other types of development are as important as economic progress .Personally,I agree to see
economic
Replace the word
economics
show examples
 as the most necessary
field
.
Initially
,there are several disadvantages when a nation
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 too much concentration on developing
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
.
Firstly
,
paying
Change preposition
by paying
show examples
 too much attention to one
field
,the governments might ignore or have minus notice to
other important
Change the wording
another important field
other important fields
show examples
field
 of the
countries
such
 as education,medicine,traffic.
For instance
,the
money
 raised
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the nation could have
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
unequal spending among
difference
Replace the word
different
show examples
 features.
Secondly
,the environment could be harmed due to the activities in manufacturing.To
getting
Change the form of the verb
get
show examples
 the space for the factories,
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
,which are used for plenty of industries,people have to cut down many trees and destroy uncountable
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
forests.
Thus
,focusing just on
economic
Replace the word
economics
show examples
 could be a disaster for the
countries
.
On the other hand
,I believe that taking
economic
Replace the word
economics
show examples
 as a major
field
 could benefit the
countries
 and outweigh the disadvantages.
Firstly
,with a strong
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
,the nations could have more
money
 to invest in several
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
show examples
 of the
countries
.
For example
,government pay
money
 to build
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wider road or upgrade the traffic lights which ensure the safety of citizens.
Secondly
,the disadvantages when having the distraction from
other
Change the wording
another field
other fields
show examples
field
 of nations could be countered with
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 enormous source of
money
 from good economic.People would have more opportunities to approach
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education when the government invest
money
 in education or get a better quality of life because of the
caring
Replace the word
care
show examples
 from
wealthy
Add an article
the wealthy
show examples
 government.
Thus
,assuming
economic
Replace the word
economics
show examples
 as the most significant goal might be the good
approaching
Replace the word
approach
show examples
.
Submitted by nguyenpqbao0111 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: