IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People should be retired at the age of 60 or they should work as long as they want? To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #age #work
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A can be seen, some
people
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 believe that working up to the
age
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 of 60 is enough for them.
However
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, others believe that working depending on what
age
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 they want is better. I strongly agree with the idea that
people
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 should
work
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 as long as they want. The reasons will be discussed in the following paragraphs before the conclusion is reached.
First
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 of all, it is beneficial to
work
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 because it boosts our physical health. According to research written by Mayoclinic, "
People
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 who still
work
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 after the
age
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 of sixty tend to walk better than those who do not due to neurons that always
work
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 and think.
For example
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, my grandmom still works as a doctor at a hospital, even though she is almost 80 years old. Another reason is that working help prevents them from mental illness. Nowadays, there are a lot of seniors suffering from Alzheimer's ( a mental disease caused by abnormal neurons),
such
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 as my cousin's grandfather.
However
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,
this
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 problem can be solved if we try to support the elders to
work
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. According to The Washington Post, a newspaper company
,
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apply
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 wrote that the elderly who always
work
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 and think will be able to have a lower risk of being an Alzheimer's. In conclusion, it is more vital for
people
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 to
work
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 as long as want than retire at the
age
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 of 60. It makes them healthier, and it makes them stay away from Alzheimer's.
Therefore
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, we should
work
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 until we think that it is enough for us.
Submitted by chansatid on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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