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Band 5.5

some people believe that there should be fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for commiting it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #punishment #type #crime #circumstances #motivation #account
People
 have different opinions over whether fixed
punishment
 should be punished to
criminals
 regardless of
circumstances
Correct article usage
the circumstances
show examples
 of an individual. While Some
people
aregue
Correct your spelling
argue
argued
 that a judge should consider backgrounds around an offender, some assert that providing fixed
punishment
 is efficient and justifiable.
This
 essay will outline why they
suppor
Correct your spelling
support
 both aspects and suggest my idea. On the one hand, not only can
fixed
Correct article usage
a fixed
show examples
 sentence bring about fast and efficient processes in a court, but it may
also
 disrupt
currupted
Correct your spelling
corrupted
corrupt
judges
 who are offered a bribe by
criminals
.
For example
, a survey conducted by the Korea Law Foundation has revealed that almost 5% of
judges
 have experienced that a
law breaker
Correct your spelling
lawbreaker
show examples
 has suggested a bribe. If fixed
punishment
 had
not
Add the particle
tonot
show examples
be
Wrong verb form
been
show examples
 accepted,
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 would have involved corruption. As the example clearly illustrate, fixed sentence facilitates
to give
Change the verb form
giving
show examples
 a fast and clean result.
On the other hand
, some
people
 are concerned about
criminals
 who are immature and have mental disorders. As they cannot recognize and criticize illegal
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
, they might be unintentionally involved in a crime, but rather be
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 one by
other's
Correct quantifier usage
another's
show examples
 push.
For instance
, recent media in Korea reports that almost 10% of offenders who are involved in heinous
offends
Replace the word
offences
show examples
 target
people
 who have psychological records since it is easy to use them.
Therefore
, it is reasonable to point out that
judges
 should consider the criminal's
backgrounds
Fix the agreement mistake
background
show examples
such
 as psychological history and maturity.
However
, while I accept that considering circumstances is needed,
judges
 should know that some
people
 use that badly. Regarding
this
, a significant number of minors are involved in a crime as they know that they will not be punished due to their age. In terms of
this
, there is no doubt to point out that
law breakers
Correct your spelling
lawbreakers
show examples
 can use the consideration of circumstances negatively. In conclusion,
althought
Correct your spelling
although
judges
 should consider
Correct your spelling
circumstances
cicumstances
Correct article usage
the cicumstances
show examples
 of
criminals
, it is not unreasonable to point out that fixed
punishment
 is more justifiable because offenders might manipulate the consideration.
Submitted by hiasince38 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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