IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything they try hard enough what are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message

#cultures #children #message
It is generally acknowledged by certain individuals that telling
children
 a comfort that they can
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 everything when they effort as much as they can. Regarding
this
, there are pros and cons
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 trend. On the one hand, comforting
children
 that they can do anything is unrealistic. Not only can
children
 fail to prepare various qualifications, but they may
also
 face
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
financial difficulties. In
this
 competitive society, if
children
 do not learn academic subjects rather than what they want to learn, it is hard to get a
wall
Correct your spelling
well
show examples
 paid job to be survived. What is more,
although
 they have an enthusiasm to try very hard, they do not know how it is hard to achieve everything.
For example
, a significant number of students believe that they can be artists, but they have no idea how it is hard to become
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
underpaid. As
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 example, clearly, giving
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cheering to kids that they can achieve a goal when they try sincerely is not realistic.
On the other hand
, telling a possibility plays a key factor
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 reducing
student's
Fix the agreement mistake
students'
show examples
 stress, thereby leading to maintaining their mental health. Since In
this
 day and age, the majority of kids suffer from an excessive burden of studying, they need motivation that supports them to release stress which causes mental issues
such
 as depression and antisocial
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
. What is more, giving advice that
childen
Correct your spelling
children
 can do anything with efforts brings about a
possitive
Correct your spelling
positive
 result.
for instance
, a survey conducted by the Korea Mental Health Foundation has revealed that
manyscientists
Correct your spelling
many scientists
 have found a notable result. The proportion that
children
 who have been told possibility during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childhood achieve their goal is 20% higher than those who have not been told hope.
Therefore
, it is clear that positive cheering causes positive outcomes. In conclusion, while I accept that giving
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
support to
children
 that they can
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 anything can
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 be
unrealist
Correct your spelling
unrealistic
, it is reasonable to point out that it contributes to positive consequences.
Submitted by hiasince38 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: