IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Today, many young people spend too much of their free time at shopping malls. This can considered negative for young people and society generally. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #time #malls #society
Nowadays, teenagers spend most of their
time
 off school at shopping centres.
However
 , some people believe that it is a negative trend for both young
kids
 and society and I completely agree with
this
 statement. Younger generations are not interested in outdoor activities, anymore.
This
 is due to the fact that they prefer going to places that provide all sorts of accommodations
such
 as restaurants, cinemas and shops.
In addition
, it is possible to go to shopping
malls
 regardless of the climate.
For instance
, during the summer holidays, groups of teenagers gather in
malls
 to run away from the hot weather because they are air-conditioned places.
Hence
, it is easier for young people to meet their friends in those places.
However
, some parents assume that it is safer for their
kids
 to have fun in a controlled environment since they would know exactly where their children are and they would be able to reach them at any
time
 if something bad might happen. While there may be some justifications for parents to consider spending
time
 at
malls
 safer for their children, it is
also
 true that it is fundamental for young
kids
 to play sports, participate in club activities or do part-
time
 jobs during their free
time
.
This
 would help them to meet their peers in a socially aware environment and might give them the opportunity to find out more about their passions and interests.
For example
, research about entertainment activities among high school
kids
 showed that those who played sports or volunteered were keener on finding well-paid jobs and going to good universities than those who spent most of their free
time
 in shopping
malls
. In conclusion, I agree with the fact that it is a dangerous habit for young people to spend their free
time
 in shopping centres because it may improve teenagers' laziness and loneliness.
Submitted by irecolagreco on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: