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Band 5

Educating young people is naturally important. However, some think governments ought to invest more education for adults in need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #think #governments #education #adults
Some people believe that state government should allocate their budget to educate
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation while others argue that oldsters should become a priority target who receives the learning process. I
am completely convince
Change the verb form
am completely convinced
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to
Change preposition
of
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 the former argumentation since youngsters take a crucial part in
development
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the development
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 process of
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
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 and have many
chance
Change to a plural noun
chances
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 to explore many
new fashioned
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new-fashioned
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 fields.
Then
, I would elaborate
these
Change preposition
on these
show examples
 rationalizations in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
 with, the future of the countries is fully determined by juveniles who are growing nowadays.
Furthermore
, they would be a leader in their chosen sectors. So
that is
 why authorities should prepare their human resources appropriately
through
Change preposition
by
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 providing many suitable programmes to encourage them
being
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to be
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 an expert in their
variety
Replace the word
various
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subjects
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of subjects
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.
This
 phase will lead them to obtain
many valued
Add a hyphen
many-valued
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 experiences which can elevate human
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
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 in their countries.
A research
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Research
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 conducted by
University
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the University
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 of
Helski
Correct your spelling
Helsinki
 in 2018 showed that the Scandinavian countries are known as
educational
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educationally
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 focused states in a lot of diverse levels attaining the economic goal quickly rather than other developing nations.
This
 result elucidates that education held a vital role in the advancement of a region. Moving to another reason, teenagers have many new chances to develop themselves in
cutting-edge
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the cutting-edge
a cutting-edge
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 era.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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advanced technology acquires world societies to be suitable in the abrupt alterations so that the communities who do not fit in
this
 situation will fall behind.
In addition
, adolescents can explore up-to-date knowledge to enrich their specific abilities where they can fill the difficult challenges in the upcoming years with their skills.
Hence
, it will offer
bright
Correct article usage
a bright
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 future to their homelands. To sum up,
publics
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the publics
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 have different ideas about giving education
for
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to
show examples
mature
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the mature
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 and immature.
However
, I totally vote for
Add an article
an adolescent
the adolescent
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adolescent
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
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 who
are
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is
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 gained more
grant
Fix the agreement mistake
grants
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 to study
instead
 of old people due to the fact they will be flourished in
the
Correct article usage
a
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variety
Replace the word
various
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ways
Change preposition
of ways
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 and answer the obstacles related to technology.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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