IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Numerous animal species worldwide are currently facing extinction. Some argue that countries and individuals should prioritize protecting these animals, while others believe resources should be focused more on human issues. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#species #extinction #argue #countries #individuals #prioritize #animals #resources
Animal
extinction
 is considered a sensitive topic
that is
 widely publicized and discussed. At the same time, some people advocate that individuals and governments should take steps to save wildlife,
while
 others believe that funds should be used to improve the human condition. In
this
 article, I will discuss both sides of the argument and explain why I support the first viewpoint. Species
extinction
 is a natural process, but not at the current rate.
For example
, it is estimated that approximately 26,000 species are at risk of
extinction
;
however
, the exact number is difficult to determine.
Firstly
, mass extinctions of organisms can disrupt the balance of ecosystems, making it vital to protect all living things on Earth.
Secondly
, all animals play a crucial role in the food chain of an ecosystem.
For example
, if grizzly bears become extinct, it will affect all other creatures that have ever interacted with them.
Furthermore
, the main factors that affect biodiversity loss include overhunting, illegal hunting, deforestation, overpopulation, human habitation, and pollution.
Therefore
, the cause of animal
extinction
 is a result of human actions.
Therefore
, humans must take full responsibility for their actions and protect biological diversity. Alternatively, some may claim that human life is more important, and
this
 is undeniable.
For example
, hundreds of people around the world suffer from malnutrition and poverty. Even so, a considerable amount of the budget today is spent on projects
such
 as space exploration. A better allocation of these funds would be used to improve life on our planet. All in all, I firmly believe that we should take all necessary steps to prevent species
extinction
. In
this
 way, all living things can continue to exist for future generations.
Submitted by yuqingchen10 on

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coherence cohesion
When writing an essay, it is important to present a clear and logical structure throughout. Your introduction and conclusion are present and set the stage for the essay, however, the body paragraphs need some improvement in maintaining a consistent focus. Ensure each paragraph centers around a single theme or argument to enhance the overall logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The coherence of the main points in the body of your essay could be strengthened by providing clearer topic sentences and more transitions between ideas to guide your reader. Aim to use a variety of transitional phrases and specific examples to illustrate each argument clearly and effectively. This will build stronger connections between your points and ensure the reader can easily follow your reasoning.
task achievement
Your essay partially addresses the task by discussing both sides of the argument and taking a clear position. However, to reach a higher band in task achievement, you should explore each viewpoint in more depth and support your ideas with stronger, more relevant examples. Every argument should be substantiated with robust evidence or illustrations to support the point being made, and this evidence should be directly related to the topic at hand.
task achievement
While you present some clear and comprehensive ideas, the development of some arguments was not consistently thorough or convincing. Developing each argument fully by explaining it and providing detailed examples or evidence can make your essay more compelling and improve clarity throughout.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score in task achievement, make sure to include relevant and specific examples in your essay. This is particularly important when discussing such a complex issue as animal extinction and how it relates to human welfare. Using specific examples not only strengthens your argument but also shows your ability to relate theoretical discussions to real-world situations.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • endangered species
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • conservation
  • intrinsic value
  • sustainable practices
  • limited resources
  • poverty
  • disease
  • education
  • innovation
  • balanced approach
  • well-being
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