The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centres. It is feared that this could have a negative influence on the young and society. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this view?

#amount #leisure #time #centres #influence #society

Putting on multitude hours in malls as amusement, have concerned the opposers,including me, about

it's

Replace the word

its

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adverse effects on

youngesters

Correct your spelling

youngsters

however

, the others' justifications should be considered. In the following

essay

Add a comma

,essay

show examples

both pros and cons will be uttered. The majority of adults, nowadays, prefer to spend their free time

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

buying and

this

would flourish the economy as exchanging money plays a critical role in earning revenue and slacking despite dealing terminates into contracting the market. So bargaining would juice up the mart.

Moreover

, it is much

Change the word

apply

show examples

better to pass time in these sites

instead

of hanging around with vicious or drug abuse and so on as a

consequense

Correct your spelling

consequence

of peer pressure.

Therefore

, advocators believe that wandering in malls is less harmful

for

Change the preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society because they do not propel the wrong ways.

On the other hand

, spending money to buy the latest trends which are exhibited in shopping centres regularly may put great pressure on some families in terms of their life expenditure. As an instance, a household with a particular monthly income should assign a limited amount of money for outfits, home accessories and unnecessary items like that,

otherwise

Add a comma

,otherwise

show examples

they would get into trouble at

last

Thus

, in my point of view, roaming at marts and

buy

Wrong verb form

buying

show examples

inessential products is not a useful option as leisure. To draw a conclusion from what was mentioned above, it is

undestandable

Correct your spelling

understandable

that walking through the malls as

Remove the article

apply

show examples

entertainment, by far, could be better than hanging around with villains if the cost of living would not be impressed by purchasing unimportant things.

Submitted by payamrap on Fri Mar 18 2022

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Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

260 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centres. It is feared that this could have a negative influence on the young and society. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this view?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that young people playing electronic and computer games is helpful while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

some places old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. Disscuss both views and give your opinion

Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways.

Some people say that noise made by people should be strictly controlled while others say they should be free to make noise without limitation. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is the responsibility of schools to teach children good behaviour in addition to providing formal education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?