IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

In some countries, young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#countries #people #leisure #time #pressure #work #studies
In some nations,
students
 have a lack of free time and stress out because of working extremely hard during their studies.
This
 essay will suggest that the principal cause of these issues is the old educational and curriculum standards and submit a government education
program
 as a viable solution, followed by a reasoned conclusion. One possible cause of
this
 problem is educational and curriculum standards which have been implemented for a long period of time and trigger pressure on the
students
. The Curriculums need to be revised based on the demand of industries today.
Therefore
, educational institutions should update their coursework to be more relevant and useful in the present and future.
Additionally
, the capabilities of teachers are
also
 essential to create a pleasant environment for the student. The most practical solution to
this
 problem is a government-sponsored awareness campaign. An effective advertising campaign could warn of the dangers of being under pressure in their school and hopefully, it would raise awareness amongst the public.
For instance
, in Indonesia since 2019, the minister of education has launched a
program
that is
 called the Independent learning
program
. In
this
program
,
students
 in any level of education are allowed to choose subjects based on their interests.
Therefore
, it could change the learning process system
that is
 believed as a trigger of
this
 problem. In summary, working hard during their studies makes
students
 experience the absence of leisure time and stress out due to irrelevant educational and curriculum standards and states should curtail
this
 issue.
Submitted by anwarachmad426 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • high expectations
  • academic success
  • future success
  • competitive nature
  • modern education systems
  • top grades
  • prestigious universities
  • high-paying jobs
  • rise of technology
  • social media platforms
  • physical activities
  • relaxation
  • extracurricular demands
  • multiple responsibilities
  • economic factors
  • lower-income families
  • part-time jobs
  • academic pressures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: