IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

" Today developed countries are increasing the number of tourist industries. Why it is happening? What are the benefits of this situation?"

#countries #tourist #industries #situation
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As the temperature inside the car is too high,
Baxter
Use synonyms
 lost a lot of water through evaporation when he panted,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 causes
Baxter
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 to become dehydrated.
Baxter
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 has an increase in
heart
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 rate because of dehydration. During dehydration, water
leave
Change the verb form
leaves
show examples
 the
cell
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 because the
cell
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 has a lower salt concentration than the concentration in the body. Red
blood
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Use synonyms
cell
Fix the agreement mistake
cells
show examples
 will have less space to carry
oxygen
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 to
other
Change the wording
another cell
other cells
show examples
cell
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, which makes
Baxter
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 lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
oxygen
Use synonyms
. In order to provide enough
oxygen
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 to it, its
heart
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 rate becomes faster so it pumps more
blood
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 can help
Baxter
Use synonyms
 to get more
oxygen
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.
Baxter
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 is
also
Linking Words
 very lethargic because
it
Correct pronoun usage
he
she
show examples
 has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lower
blood
Use synonyms
 pressure (R. Amir Norris B.S., 2017),
this
Linking Words
 may cause less
blood
Use synonyms
 to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
his
her
show examples
 brain and
he
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 will become dizzy or easily exhausted. As
Baxter
Use synonyms
 was dehydrated, the skin lost its elasticity (Madormo C, 2020), its skin
to return
Change the verb form
returned
show examples
 to its usual position.
Therefore
Linking Words
, when
Baxter
Use synonyms
 is pinched, the fold of his skin remains visible. When the plasma volume drops, the amount of
blood
Use synonyms
 pumped from the
heart
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 falls, it is more difficult for our
heart
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 to pump enough amount of nutrients, O2 and fluid to every
cell
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, so it may cause lethargy. During dehydration,
blood
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 pressure drops,
heart
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 output decrease, so there is a decrease in
blood
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 supply to the body.
Cell
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 volume decreases and they carry less
oxygen
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, it may lead to poor circulation and may reduce
blood
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 flow to the brain, and
Add an article
the dog
show examples
dog
Fix the agreement mistake
dogs
show examples
 may become exhausted in a low
oxygen
Use synonyms
 concentration level.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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