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Band 4

" Today developed countries are increasing the number of tourist industries. Why it is happening? What are the benefits of this situation?"

#countries #tourist #industries #situation
As the temperature inside the car is too high,
Baxter
 lost a lot of water through evaporation when he panted,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 causes
Baxter
 to become dehydrated.
Baxter
 has an increase in
heart
 rate because of dehydration. During dehydration, water
leave
Change the verb form
leaves
show examples
 the
cell
 because the
cell
 has a lower salt concentration than the concentration in the body. Red
blood
cell
Fix the agreement mistake
cells
show examples
 will have less space to carry
oxygen
 to
other
Change the wording
another cell
other cells
show examples
cell
, which makes
Baxter
 lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
oxygen
. In order to provide enough
oxygen
 to it, its
heart
 rate becomes faster so it pumps more
blood
.
This
 can help
Baxter
 to get more
oxygen
.
Baxter
 is
also
 very lethargic because
it
Correct pronoun usage
he
she
show examples
 has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lower
blood
 pressure (R. Amir Norris B.S., 2017),
this
 may cause less
blood
 to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
his
her
show examples
 brain and
he
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 will become dizzy or easily exhausted. As
Baxter
 was dehydrated, the skin lost its elasticity (Madormo C, 2020), its skin
to return
Change the verb form
returned
show examples
 to its usual position.
Therefore
, when
Baxter
 is pinched, the fold of his skin remains visible. When the plasma volume drops, the amount of
blood
 pumped from the
heart
also
 falls, it is more difficult for our
heart
 to pump enough amount of nutrients, O2 and fluid to every
cell
, so it may cause lethargy. During dehydration,
blood
 pressure drops,
heart
 output decrease, so there is a decrease in
blood
 supply to the body.
Cell
 volume decreases and they carry less
oxygen
, it may lead to poor circulation and may reduce
blood
 flow to the brain, and
Add an article
the dog
show examples
dog
Fix the agreement mistake
dogs
show examples
 may become exhausted in a low
oxygen
 concentration level.
Submitted by chloelwy3905 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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