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Band 5.5

Some people think that the Olympics is no longer important in the 21st century. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #olympics #st #century
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It is argued that
Use synonyms
Olympics
Correct article usage
the Olympics
show examples
 have been losing their importance
along
Change preposition
over
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 the centuries, until becoming irrelevant nowadays. In my opinion, I disagree that
Use synonyms
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
games
Use synonyms
 lost their importance in the world where we live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. I support
this
Linking Words
 point of view for two main reasons. To commence with the first reason, these
games
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 represent an excellent way to bring
people
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 together. Indeed, it is very common for families or friends to watch
Use synonyms
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
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games
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 together
,
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apply
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while
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 having lunch or dinner
for example
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.
In addition
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 to that,
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Olympics
Correct article usage
the Olympics
show examples
 manage to gather
people
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 together at a more profound level, by awakening and enhancing strong feelings of patriotism and brotherhood among citizens.
For instance
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, when
last
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 year an Italian athlete won the 100 mt
Olympic
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 race, we were all very proud of him, but especially we were proud of being Italians. Turning to the second motivation,
Use synonyms
Olympics
Correct article usage
the Olympics
show examples
 represents a good method to increase and improve local economies.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that host cities usually invest huge amounts of money to improve their facilities,
such
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 as stadiums or swimming pools.
As a consequence
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 of
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
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 investments, lots of new job places are created.
Moreover
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, local economies can thrive
also
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due to
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 the increased levels of tourism, which is typical during the
Olympic
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 period.
For instance
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, all hotels and restaurants in host cities and nearby are always fully booked.
To conclude
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, even though some
people
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 consider
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Correct article usage
the Olympics
show examples
Olympics
Correct your spelling
Olympic
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games
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 useless nowadays, I still believe they have a big relevance for both
people
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 and countries. These
games
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 are still a wonderful occasion that we can use to celebrate our
countries's
Fix the agreement mistake
country's
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 success.
Furthermore
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, thanks to
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
 government's investments and the increased levels of tourism, local economies will flourish during the
Olympic
Use synonyms
 season.
Submitted by lucrezia.giunta97 on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, incorporate a counter-argument to show acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint, and then refute it to strengthen your stance.
task achievement
Consider varying your sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay effectively includes both an introduction and a conclusion which frames your argument well.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported with specific and relevant examples, which strengthens your argument.
task achievement
You've clearly presented your opinion and supported it with logical reasoning, which contributes to task achievement.
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