IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
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It is argued that these days,
youngersters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 account for most of the population in some particular countries while there are
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 elderly. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, the advantages and disadvantages will be discussed and I will conclude by saying whether the benefits or drawbacks are of importance. In terms of the positive aspects, more
youger
Correct your spelling
younger
 generations
means
Change the verb form
mean
show examples
 more employees available which lead to the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 productivity.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 higher and stabler workforce can boost the local
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, younger adults have
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 creative and innovative
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
 which make the
socitey
Correct your spelling
society
 more competitive.
For instance
Linking Words
, some big cities in the world,
such
Linking Words
 as New York, London, Taipei indicate that
more
Correct article usage
the more
show examples
 young adults there are,
more
Correct article usage
the more
show examples
 improvement the city could be. As for the drawbacks, studies show that there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
more
Add an article
a more
the more
show examples
 mental
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in leading cities over the world. People living in hustle and bustle life result in anxiety, depression and
insomina
Correct your spelling
insomnia
 which lead to a high rate of
psychology
Replace the word
psychological
show examples
 treatment. Compared with
those older generation
Change the determiner
that older generation
those older generations
show examples
, they are more likely to live a
low-paced
Correct your spelling
slow-paced
show examples
 life,
for example
Linking Words
, spending time in
temple
Add an article
the temple
show examples
 and natural sites which lead to increase the satisfectinary of a better living standard. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 strong
argument
Fix the agreement mistake
arguments
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 both against and in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
large
Change the article
a large
the large
show examples
 number of young adults living in
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
. I believe that the benefits are of far more
importance
Replace the word
important
show examples
 than the drawbacks.
Submitted by sandy011445 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
Look at other essays: