Most people accept that we now live in a globalized world but not everyone agrees that this is beneficial. To what extent is globalization a positive or negative development?

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Currently, an increasing number of individuals believe that
globalization
is a common trend and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is advantageous for most of the public.
However
, others hold the opposite statement. Personally, in my opinion, it is a positive development
according to
some obvious reasons, described in the following paragraph. Primarily, it is an indispensable fact that living in a globalized world definitely allows ordinary people to feel more freedom.
This
is because people can have more opportunities to finish their personal goals or their dream career and they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
choose which parts of the earth they want to live or stay in.
For example
,
according to
the latest China newspaper, 80% of Chinese high students choose to apply for their college degree in other countries to help them finish their immigration dream;
therefore
, the younger generation is willing to become globalized citizens.
In addition
,
globalization
definitely reduces the disparity between the rich and the poor.
As a result
, based on the rule of
globalization
, developed countries have an obligation to help developing countries, especially when those are facing difficulties that are caused by natural disasters;
hence
, these types of places obviously have more chances to get help from others and recover quickly under helping.
However
, it is true that some individuals are worrying about some side effects of
globalization
,
such
as the endangered cultural diversity because the fusion of different cultures causes the disappearance of some traditional cultures.
For instance
, numerous pupils only speak English as their daily language and neglect their mother tongue.
Consequently
, it may be disadvantageous for local culture.
On the other hand
, the concern will be addressed, since local governments have been building different kinds of international schools to satisfy different students' desires, and Muslims as a good example;
therefore
, the potential problem
that is
caused by
globalization
may disappear in the future. In conclusion,
although
globalization
may jeopardize the diversity culture, it is beneficial for individuals;
hence
, I very much support it as a positive development.
Submitted by lyutingting520 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to avoid redundancy by merging similar ideas, such as addressing how globalization offers opportunities and freedom in one cohesive point.
task achievement
Improve the clarity of your examples by providing more context. For example, the mention of 'China newspaper' could be more specific and relevant.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear and balanced opinion, supporting globalization while acknowledging potential drawbacks.
coherence cohesion
Good use of transitional phrases like 'Primarily' and 'Therefore' contribute to the smooth flow of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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