in some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. what are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
This
statement that individuals can gain everything if they make an effort Linking Words
into
them is from some cultures. Change preposition
to
this
sentence has more cons than pores, in Linking Words
this
essay I will explain merits and demerits, Linking Words
therefore
I have elaborated my opinion.
First of all, hardworking is an undeniable fact that youngsters can achieve their goals and leads them to more be ambitious, Linking Words
moreover
, they strive for their future, people who agree with Linking Words
this
quote, want to encourage Linking Words
children
to try hard and not waste their time in Use synonyms
this
path, Linking Words
for instance
, parents offer some incentive for their child to do their best because they can receive to everything that they like. Linking Words
Besides
, Linking Words
children
would be more diligent and industrious to succeed.
Use synonyms
However
, Linking Words
this
perspective makes Linking Words
children
stressfulness and Use synonyms
this
stress affects their function so they cannot concentrate on their work and might have bad results, Linking Words
consequently
, they are disappointed about their function, apart from that, stress influences mental and physical health Linking Words
such
as depression or isolation, heartbreak, blood pressure. The other detrimental aspect is that some Linking Words
children
think they are not genius enough and they abandon their goals, so when they move on, they might become addicted and have a direct impact on their life, it is better to be realistic with Use synonyms
children
since they trust us more.
By way of conclusion, I think Use synonyms
children
should try hard to achieve their goals but it is not everything related to effort, some factors like atmosphere, families, and money are affected to reach their aims Use synonyms
as a result
, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.Linking Words
Submitted by safehiana on
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task response
The introduction needs a clearer statement of your main argument or thesis. It seems a bit vague and should be more focused on outlining the advantages and disadvantages you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
The vocabulary and grammatical range can be improved. Try to avoid repetitive words and phrases, and use more varied sentence structures.
coherence cohesion
Please work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas to improve the flow and make the essay easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Regarding coherence and cohesion, while your points are relevant, try to ensure each paragraph logically flows from one to another. Use linking words and phrases more effectively.
task response
Your essay would benefit from more specific and varied examples to support your points. Be sure to clarify how each example directly relates to your argument.
task response
You have included both advantages and disadvantages, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
task response
Your essay has a clear conclusion that summarizes your viewpoint effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.