IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Few young people want to work in the farming industry. Why? Should young people be encouraged to work in this industry?

7.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
People
Use synonyms
 have different views about whether there are not many young
people
Use synonyms
 who want to
work
Use synonyms
 in the farming
industry
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, there are many reasons why young generations are not interested in agriculture, and I believe the government should encourage them to
work
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
industry
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
Based on my knowledge and observation,
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon comes from two main reasons. The
first
Linking Words
 reason why not many youngsters choose to
work
Use synonyms
 in the farming
industry
Use synonyms
 is that it takes a lot of effort but offers low income. In fact, farmers have to face the weather, natural disasters and consumption while the prices are always unstable. The other reason is that if the young choose to
work
Use synonyms
 on a farm, it means that they have to relocate to the countryside, which seems to be boring to them because of the lack of entertainment places and the slow pace of life. In fact, young
people
Use synonyms
 are naturally interested in the bustling life in big cities;
hence
Linking Words
 they would rather make a living there than
work
Use synonyms
 on a farm.
Body paragraph 2
Despite the above-mentioned ideas, I hold a firm belief that the government should encourage young
people
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 in the agricultural
industry
Use synonyms
. The main reason is that agriculture is one of the most important industries which provide food in the country and to the world, especially in a food crisis. Fỏ example, in some Asian countries, based on their geography and tradition, farming can improve productive forces and develop the agriculture
industry
Use synonyms
, which leads to being ranked
first
Linking Words
 in the world for rice export, and helps their country’s economy.
Conclusion
In conclusion, while there are reasons a number of young generations do not choose farming
work
Use synonyms
, I contend that it is better to encourage more of them to
work
Use synonyms
 in the farm
industry
Use synonyms
 to boost their economy.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: