IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

At present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
In the current era, the number of young adults is comparatively high than the older
population
.
Although
this
 provides more energetic and fresh talent in the workforce, the drawbacks
such
 as the lack of experienced workers and escalated
competition
 are significant.
Therefore
, I believe that the demerits of
this
 situation take precedence over the merits. On the one hand, having a higher
population
 of youth is beneficial in terms of their passion, energy and freshly polished talents. As recent graduates have studied and practised all the knowledge and skills a few years ago, they implement all the learnt expertise in the employment market when they get job opportunities.
Moreover
, they are physically and mentally healthy which assists them to perform better in their designated areas.
On the other hand
, the younger generation cannot outperform in workplaces because of their limited life experiences.
Additionally
, the increased
population
 of the young working staff results in excessive
competition
. With regards to the former, the elderly brings wisdom in society which is essential not only in offices but
also
 in homes. More young adults and fewer senior citizens lead to an alarming situation. Since it is evident that talent is not enough for success in life, the virtue of experience is more crucial.
Secondly
, the rapidly growing
population
 of the young generation makes study and work environments more competitive.
For instance
, it is becoming harder for children to get admissions in educational complexes and the difficulties of the young adults to pursue careers in their fields of interest is rising due to high
competition
. In conclusion, despite the fact that youngsters have more energy and stamina for work, they are inexperienced to meet the challenges of work-life, as well as, the
competition
 will be the highest in every field.
Hence
, in my opinion, its advantages are overshadowed by its disadvantages.
Submitted by tubashaukat93 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
Look at other essays: