IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

People living in large cities today face many problems in their everyday lives, What are these problems? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller regional towns?

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Although
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 living in a large
city
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 can be beneficial for some reasons, living in
this
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 kind of place has more
problems
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 to handle on a daily basis. For those matters, I strongly argue the argument to relocate individuals to a different town. There are a few
problems
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 that appear in metropolitan cities because more and more
people
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 reside and move from other places.
Firstly
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, traffic congestion which is caused by many cars and motorcycles on the main road, especially in rush hour when many
people
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 go back to their jobs or school.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 trend produces a lot of
pollution
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 which poses a risk to all
people
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 particularly older
people
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 and children.
For example
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, Jakarta which is the capital
city
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 of Indonesia known as a crowded
city
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 full of traffic jams and
pollution
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.
Therefore
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, these
problems
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 should be overcome by regulating the system comprehensively,
instead
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 of relocating citizens to other towns. Based on the facts that have already been mentioned, some measures should be taken in order to solve these
problems
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.The government should provide more public transportation which connects and integrates the outer
city
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 and the centre
city
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. By providing these facilities it can reduce the vehicle's density and
also
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 the rate of
pollution
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 will decrease significantly.
Moreover
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, the authorities have to impose strict rules regarding car emissions that should meet the threshold.
For instance
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, Tokyo
city
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 has succeeded in reaching a clean air
city
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 by controlling car emissions.
Thus
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,
this
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 role could be implied in Jakarta to solve its issues.
To conclude
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, living in a big
city
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 indeed resulting many
problems
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 for many
people
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such
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 as traffic congestion and
pollution
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. The best way to overcome these
problems
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 is not to relocate the residents, but the Government should provide public transportation and apply strict regulations.

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task achievement
The essay comprehensively addresses the topic, discussing the problems faced by people in large cities and offering solutions rather than relocation. However, further elaboration on the pros and cons of relocation could enhance the arguments.
task achievement
Ensure the opening sentence clearly connects to the essay's main argument. Additionally, a bit more variety in sentence structures would benefit the clarity and readability of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure that generally flows well. Nonetheless, using clearer signposting words and phrases can help the reader follow the argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
While the main points are well-supported, some paragraphs could benefit from additional elaboration or more distinct examples. Don't hesitate to expand a bit more on certain points.
coherence cohesion
The clear structuring of the introduction and conclusion strengthens the essay's arguments and logically wraps up the discussion.
task achievement
Using relevant and specific examples, such as the case of Jakarta and Tokyo, effectively supports the main points and makes the essay more persuasive.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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