IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). Do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighborhood #sports #children
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It is generally acknowledged by certain individuals that volunteering for
community
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 without being paid should be involved in secondary schools'
curriculum
Fix the agreement mistake
curricula
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.
However
Linking Words
, I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 assertion as it is not feasible.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in
this
Linking Words
 competitive society, academic perforation plays
key
Add an article
a key
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 factor in getting a better job in the future.
Therefore
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, not only
does
Change the verb form
do
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 parents push their kids to study academic subjects, but
students
Use synonyms
 may
also
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 study them
instead
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 of spending their time
on
Change preposition
apply
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involving
community
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, a survey conducted by the Korean Education Foundation has revealed that almost 30% of parents are against their kids working for communities since they believe
children
Use synonyms
 should use their time on studying rather than volunteering. As the example clearly illustrates, as people do not want their
children
Use synonyms
 to volunteer for
community
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
, mandatory volunteering will be rejected.
Next
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,
although
Linking Words
 schools suggest volunteering
services
Use synonyms
,
students
Use synonyms
 will not do them sincerely as they cannot get a visible outcome since
children
Use synonyms
 tend not to do their best without proper rewards.
For instance
Linking Words
, recent media in Korea reports that about half of
students
Use synonyms
 haven't done volunteering.
instead
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, they just have gotten signs on reports from
reletives
Correct your spelling
relatives
 or
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
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 without working.
Therefore
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, it is reasonable to point out that unpaid work for communities among
students
Use synonyms
 is not realistic. In conclusion, there is no doubt to point out that unpaid-mandatory
community
Use synonyms
 service at schools cannot be operated since parents prefer their kids to study academic subjects, and
children
Use synonyms
 will not willing to work it.
Submitted by hiasince38 on

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