Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

#people #government #money #arts

It is undeniable that art gives meaning to our lives and helps us to understand our world.

However

, It is believed by a few

people

that the

government

budget should not be wasted on

arts

rather than allocating it for the betterment of the

people

. In my opinion, I completely agree with

this

opinion and believe

government

should

de fund

Correct your spelling

defund

show examples

the

arts

until basic human needs are not ensured thoroughly.

To begin

, there are several strong points to support the idea of allocating more funds in sectors like

education

, health and employment.

Firstly

education

is the backbone of a country. If any

governments

Fix the agreement mistake

government

show examples

failed to ensure

education

for all of its

people

, essentially, it will be a massive barrier

for

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

growth.

For example

, in developing countries,

government

schools are the primary sources for locals to get to see the light of

education

those

Change preposition

for those

show examples

who live in remote areas.

Secondly

, not

every one

Replace the word

everyone

show examples

in a country

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

the privilege to get proper treatment when it needs. To ensure

this

basis

Replace the word

basic

show examples

need for all,

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

must need to allocate more budgets in

this

sector

compare

Change the form of the verb

compared

show examples

to others.

For instance

, lots of

people

in Bangladesh rely on

government

hospitals due to

its

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

cost effectiveness

Add a hyphen

cost-effectiveness

show examples

compare

Wrong verb form

compared

show examples

to private hospitals.

Thirdly

, A higher unemployment rate is considered as a curse to its economic growth. Needless to say, to improve the lifestyle of a nation,

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

need to make it certain that everyone has the opportunity to get a job. Failing to do so, cause a huge risk for brain drain and

increasing

Wrong verb form

increases

show examples

in crime rates.

This

ultimately

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

the country

Change the word

apply

show examples

weaker.

Such

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

every

years

Change to a genitive case

year's

show examples

lots of

people

migrated from developing countries to developed countries due to better job opportunities and better

Correct your spelling

lifestyles

show examples

life styles

Correct your spelling

lifestyles

show examples

. To conclude, while basic needs are still in demand, developing in

arts

will not be beneficial for a

lion

Change noun form

lion's

show examples

share of its

people

Therefore

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

need to make sure that the basic needs are properly ensured prior to thinking about funding

arts

Submitted by absh0968 on Wed Mar 23 2022

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

334 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.5

Complete response

8.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

enriching society
promoting cultural understanding
development of talent
creative industries
economic benefits
generate revenue
cultural heritage
identity
prioritize spending
needs of the majority

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