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Band 7.5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work
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Nowadays, our young citizens have high pressure
in
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on
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 their academic results and in consequence,a lot of people believe that extra academic subjects should be removed from the school calendar in order to succeed. To that extent, I am in disagreement due to the following reasons. The current education system is developed in order to teach our children not only in the classical subjects like Science, Mathematics, and Language but
also
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 in those which have the possibility to develop their emotional intelligence. On the one hand and as we all know, extracurricular lessons
such
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 as martial arts, football and basketball give our young citizens the opportunity to improve their physical state and
moreover
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 their emotional intelligence.
Besides
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 the fact that they learn the important role which health plays in their life.
For instance
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, children that usually play football or any sport that should be played into a team, have more empathise, and are more able to think in whole group benefit
instead
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 of their own. Its benefits could be translated into their relationships with family and friends.
On the other hand
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, there are the music lessons in which the students decided to play an instrument. There are numerous researchers who prove the extraordinary benefit that
this
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 activity has in their brain development.
Moreover
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, recent studies show that students who are in piano lessons have better academic results than those who do not have any extra school activity. To conclude, I am totally convinced that, the only way to have extraordinary results is by stimulating their brain with these activities. Remove them from the school calendar could lead to several mental problems, like depression or sadness and as far I am concerned, it could lead to suicide
Submitted by melisa.siverio on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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