IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

#time #population #countries #adults #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today's society, the citizen of some
countries
Use synonyms
 includes a relatively large
number
Use synonyms
 of young
adults
Use synonyms
 that are compared with the
number
Use synonyms
 of older
people
Use synonyms
. From my point of view, I strongly believed that the various advantages of
this
Linking Words
 situation outweigh some disadvantages.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I will describe my opinion and give some details in the following paragraphs before the conclusion is reached. It is undeniable that young
adults
Use synonyms
 are the most type of age
that is
Linking Words
 appropriate to work and have a family.
In other words
Linking Words
, if some
countries
Use synonyms
 have a
number
Use synonyms
 of young
adults
Use synonyms
, these
countries
Use synonyms
' economies will rise in a good way because they are playing a vital role to improve their
countries
Use synonyms
. In terms of making family, it is one of the important things to
existence
Add an article
the existence
show examples
 of their nationalities as they need to have children who introduce their nations in the future, and
this
Linking Words
 age group is more suitable for building their families than the older
people
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, every topic has both some benefits and drawbacks including
this
Linking Words
 topic.
Although
Linking Words
 young
adults
Use synonyms
 have a lot of children, they indeed do not spend much of their time with their babies that cause is from their assignments and almost
adults
Use synonyms
 prefer to give their babies to their parents being the old
people
Use synonyms
 for taking care
instead
Linking Words
 themselves. As the result, the
number
Use synonyms
 of older
people
Use synonyms
 is not as high as young
adults
Use synonyms
, which is not give only benefits. To conclude, the
number
Use synonyms
 of young
adults
Use synonyms
 not as low as older
people
Use synonyms
 is one of the good topics for these
countries
Use synonyms
 since it seems to me that the advantages of
this
Linking Words
 issue outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by justoranat on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: