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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries in Europe, some children from the age of 11 or 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job. Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education.

#countries #europe #children #age #schools #skills #job #education
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In some nations in Europe, many
children
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 from the age of 11 or 13 go to
schools
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 to learn more practical
skills
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 that will help them get a job in the
future
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, but other
children
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 stay in
schools
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 which provide a more general academic education.In my opinion, I think should teach
children
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 to communicate well, help
students
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 to learn how to use computers
,
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apply
show examples
 and give them enough practice to improve their language.
Firstly
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,
schools
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 should teach
children
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 to communicate with others.
In other words
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, they have to do some activities so all the
students
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 can join together.
For example
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, they can do sports activities after school, so when
children
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 join these activities, they can communicate with other friends.
As a result
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, they know how to mix with others when they work in the
future
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.
Secondly
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,
schools
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 should teach
children
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 how to use computers.
That is
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 to say, they should educate them on how to find information on the Internet.
Moreover
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, they should teach them how to type using a keyboard.
For instance
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, before the
students
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 write an essay, they can find information online and write their essay on the computer.
Therefore
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, they will be good at computer
skills
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 and
this
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 will help them in the
future
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.
Finally
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,
schools
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 should teach
children
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 how to speak
English
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 fluently. In some countries, many people cannot speak
English
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 after they complete their high school. Because of
this
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, they cannot get jobs easily. To illustrate, many people in Saudi Arabia cannot find jobs easily because they cannot speak
English
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.
Thus
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, when
children
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 can speak fluent
English
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, they can work in international companies.
To sum up
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, improving communication
skills
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, computer
skills
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, and language
skills
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are
Wrong verb form
will be
show examples
 helpful for
students
Use synonyms
 in the
future
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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task response
You made a strong effort in addressing the topic and presenting clear ideas. However, you can improve by ensuring your examples are more closely tied to the main point. For instance, your example about learning English in Saudi Arabia can be linked more directly to the argument about practical versus academic education systems.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with clear paragraphs and logical progression. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, introducing linking phrases such as 'In addition' or 'Furthermore' could enhance the flow between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure. Each paragraph is dedicated to a specific point which is well-supported.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame your essay and summarize your main points.
task response
You have provided clear and comprehensive ideas that are relevant to the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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