IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue can be solved?

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Around the globe, the quantity
along with
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 the diversity of wildlife has gone down.
This
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 essay believes that the main cause is humans’ contribution to climate change and it can be addressed by investment in green energy. It should be acknowledged that wildlife is unable to cope with the rapidly increasing temperature of the Earth’s surface. There is scientific evidence that suggests animals and plants are ineffectively adapting to their habitats’ transformation
due to
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 an inadequate number of generations for genes to mutate
as well as
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 communities’ invasions for industrial and residential development.
As a result
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, ecosystems are removed leaving the inhabitants with limited options to survive
along with
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 problematic consequences caused by humanity.
For instance
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, tourism development has been responsible for deforestation at a conservation park in my hometown, witnessing a decline in wild animals and native trees. A suitable measure for
this
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 problem would be green energy. One of the advantages of
this
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 technology is that it mitigates the harmful gases
as well as
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 industrial waste in the region, and provides more time to those in need. By implanting
this
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 method, there should be a proliferation in the number of species and the environment is healthier and more abundant. An example of
this
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 is conservational projects to restore the coastline in Vietnam, new solar panels and wind turbines were built around the beach which decreased the need for electrical factories nearby. In the end, the air and hydro quality has been reported positively. In conclusion, the absence of wildlife and vegetation is
due to
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 global warming and the adaptability of the ecosystem.
However
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,
this
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 issue can be resolved by clean energy

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coherence cohesion
Work on diversifying sentence structures to enhance readability and maintain reader interest.
task achievement
Expand on the examples provided to make your arguments more compelling. For instance, give more details about how solar panels and wind turbines specifically helped improve the environmental conditions.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, successfully summarizing the main points.
task achievement
The essay effectively identifies the main cause of the issue and proposes a viable solution, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • urbanization
  • deforestation
  • agricultural expansion
  • pollution control
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable practices
  • overexploitation
  • invasive species
  • conservation
  • quarantine measures
  • eradication programs
  • public awareness campaigns
  • habitat destruction
  • climate change
  • natural habitats
  • species decline
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